“And any man who would build a room in his house for some chick who blew him off? Any man who would wait years for that same girl to show up at his door, knowing she was with someone else? He’s not a man at all.”
“What is he?”
“A big, hairy, unwaxed vagina.”
Was that too crude?
I’m afraid that it was.
Until Kate covers her mouth with her hands and falls over on the couch, convulsing in a fit of deep, snorting laughter. “Oh…my…God. You’re such…a…pig. How…how do you even come up with these things?”
I shrug. “I call them like I see them. I won’t apologize for it.”
Her laughter dies down, but the smile’s still there. “Okay, no Notebook.”
“Thank you.”
Then her whole face lights up. “Oohh, how about Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy?”
“You like Will Ferrell?”
“Are you kidding? Have you seen Blades of Glory?”
It’s one of my favorites. “The Iron Lotus? Classic.”
She wiggles her eyebrows at me and quotes expertly, “You got some sweet cream to soothe that nasty burn?”
I laugh. “God, I love y-“
And then I choke.
And cough.
And clear my throat.
“I love…that movie.” I fiddle with the remote, and we lay down on the couch as Anchorman starts.
Okay-don’t get crazy on me now. Let’s just all calm down for a second, shall we? It was a simple mistake. A slip of the tongue. Nothing more.
My tongue’s been getting quite the workout lately, so I think it’s allowed.
After eating, we continue watching Ron Burgundy, lying against each other on the couch, her back to my front. My face is in her hair again, inhaling the scent that I’ve become addicted to. I drift in and out of sleep. Kate’s laughter vibrates against my chest as she asks softly, “Is that what you thought of me?”
“Mmmm?”
“When I first started at the firm. Did you think I was a ‘scorpion woman’?”
She’s referring to a line Will Ferrell just delivered in the movie. I smile drowsily. “I…when I first saw you that day in the conference room, it knocked me right on my ass. After that, I just knew nothing would ever be the same.”
She must have liked my answer. Because a minute later, she rubs her hips back against me. And my half-erect cock slides between the cheeks of her ass.
I don’t care how exhausted a guy is-he could’ve just worked a thirty-five-hour shift hauling sand bags across state lines-that move will always, always wake him up.
My lips find their way to her neck as my hand skims across her stomach. “God, Kate. I can’t stop…wanting you.”
It’s getting kind of ridiculous, isn’t it?
I feel her breathing pick up. She turns to face me, and our lips meet. But before we go further, my curiosity gets the better of me, and I pull back. “What did you think of me when we first met?”
Her eyes roll to the ceiling as she contemplates her answer. Then she smiles. “Well…that first night at REM, I thought you were…lethal. You just radiated sex and charm.” Her fingers trace my lips and brows. “That smile, your eyes, they really should be illegal. It was the only time in all my years with Billy that I wished I was single.”
Wow.
“And then at the office I’d hear the secretaries talking about you. How you had a different girl every weekend. But after a while…I saw that there was so much more to you. You’re brilliant and funny. You’re protective and caring. You shine so bright, Drew. Everything you do-how you think, the things you say, the way you move-it’s…blinding. I feel…lucky, just being close to you.”
I’m speechless.
If any other woman said that to me, I’d agree with her. I’d tell her she was lucky to be with me-’cause I’m the best of the best. There’s no one better. But coming from Kate? From someone whose mind I envy, whose opinion I actually admire? I just…don’t have any words. So, once again, I let my actions do the talking.
My mouth presses against hers, and my tongue begs for entrance. But when I try to roll us over so I’m on top, Kate has other ideas. She pushes me on the shoulders until I’m on my back. Then she moves her mouth over my jaw and down my neck, burning a trail down my chest and stomach. I swallow hard.
She takes my cock in her hand and pumps slowly, and I’m already stiff as steel. I was hard the minute she started talking. “Jesus, Kate…” I keep my eyes open, and watch from above as she wets her lips, opens her mouth, and slides me in. “Fuck…” She takes my entire length in deep and sucks hard as she pulls back slowly. Then she does it again.
I’m sort of a connoisseur of blow jobs. For a guy, they’re the most convenient kind of sex. No fuss, little mess. If any of you out there have never given one, I’ll let you in on a little secret. Once a guy’s dick is actually in your mouth, he’ll be so happy, it doesn’t really matter what you do with it afterward. That being said, there are certain moves that make it better.
Kate pumps me with her hand while increasing the suction at the tip with her hot little mouth.
Like that, for instance.
She swirls her tongue around the head like she’s licking a lollipop. Where the fuck did she learn that? I moan helplessly and grip the cushions on the couch. She takes me all the way down her throat once, then twice. Then she switches to fast, short pumps with her mouth and hand.
It’s magnificent. I’ve been blown by the best of them. And I swear to God, Kate Brooks has the technique of a freaking porn star.
I try to hold still, conscious that this really is her first time, but it’s difficult. And then her hands are under me-on my ass-urging me upward. She guides my hips back and forth, pushing me in and out of her mouth. Holy God. She removes her hands, but my hips continue to move in short shallow jabs.
I’m close to losing it-but I always give a warning first. If a guy doesn’t warn you? Dump him fast. He’s a fucking prick.
“Kate…baby, I’m…if you don’t move now…God, I’m gonna…” Coherent words are apparently beyond my ability at the moment. Still, I think she gets the idea.
But she doesn’t move away. She doesn’t stop. I look down at the very moment Kate opens her eyes and looks up. And that’s all it takes. It’s the moment I’ve fantasized about since I first saw her. Those big brown doe eyes staring up at me as my cock slides between her perfect lips. With a whimper of her name, I fill her mouth with a pulsing stream. Kate moans and takes it all in, swallowing greedily.
After what seems like an eternity, I start to come down. You know when you first step out of a Jacuzzi? How your limbs feel like Jell-O? Yeah-that’s me. Right now.
I’m breathing hard and grinning like the village idiot as I pull her up by the shoulders and kiss her deep. Some men are grossed out about kissing a woman whose mouth they just came in. I’m not one of them. “How in holy hell did you learn to give head like that?”
Kate laughs at the wonder in my voice as she spreads out on top of me. “Delores dated this guy in college. He was really into porn. He used to leave movies at our dorm all the time. And, once in a while…I’d watch them.”
The next time I see Delores Warren? Remind me to drop to my knees and kiss her ass.
Once the movie ended, Kate and I decided to have a full-out Will Ferrell marathon. We’re halfway through Blades of Glory when my phone rings. We’re still on the couch, lying comfortably side by side, and I don’t really feel like getting up. Or talking to anyone not currently in the room, for that matter.
I let the answering machine pick up. Jack’s voice fills the room, yelling over the sound of pounding music in the background: “Drew! Dude, pick up! Where the fuck are you?” He pauses a moment, and I’m guessing he realizes I’m not going to pick up. “You have got to come out tonight, man! I’m at Club Sixty-Nine, and there’s someone here who wants to see you.”
This doesn’t sound promising. I start to sit up, my Y-chromosomal instincts telling me to turn the machine off. Now. But I’m not fast enough. And a sultry female voice comes out of Pandora’s Box. “Dreeewwww…it’s Staaaacey. I’ve missed you, baby. I want to take another taxi ride. Remember that night when I sucked your dick so g-“
My hand slaps down on the off button.
Then I glance sideways at Kate. Her face is frozen on the TV, her expression indecipherable. I should probably say something. What the fuck should I say? “Sorry, one of my other come-dumps called?” Nah, for some reason, I don’t think that one would go over very well.
She sits up stiffly. “I should probably get going.”
Shit. Frigging Jack.
Kate gets up, holding my pillow close against her, covering herself.
Well, that’s not a good sign. An hour ago she was pushing her snatch against my face. Now she doesn’t even want me looking at it.
Goddamn it.
She walks past me toward the bedroom. Even with my stomach churning, I can’t help but admire the sway of her tight ass as she goes by. Predictably, my cock springs up like Dracula rising from his coffin.
When I was ten, we had a dog. He humped everything and anything-from the maid’s leg to my parents’ four-poster bed. He was insatiable. My parents were mortified whenever company stopped by. But now I realize he really wasn’t a bad dog. It wasn’t his fault.
I feel your pain, Fido.
I sigh. And get up to follow Kate. By the time I make it to the bedroom, her skirt’s on and her blouse is buttoned. She doesn’t look at me when I walk in.
“Kate-“
“Do you know where my other shoe is?” Her eyes gaze at the floor, the bed-anywhere but at me.
“Kate-“
“Maybe it’s under the bed.” She kneels down.
“You don’t have to go.”
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.