I wasn’t sure why. But it was an urge I couldn’t ignore.
We decided on the cabin filled with sweet treats. We ordered a bunch of items—butter cookies, almond cookies, and cinnamon-type buns, all things traditionally from Norway. I handed a cookie to Cael. His troubled eyes softened when he took a bite. Color seeped back into his cheeks, and he next reached for a cinnamon bun with a hint of humor on his face. Knowing I’d made him feel just a fraction better was as heady as if I’d truly achieved something remarkable.
We had barely made it a couple of treats in, when Jade, Lili, Travis, and Dylan came running over. Dylan threw his arm over my shoulder. “Hot cocoa?” he asked.
I raised one eyebrow to Cael in question. “Let’s go,” he said and walked with us to the next food cabin. It felt like Christmas again here in this Norwegian square. Like a stolen scene from a movie, a slice of magic on a crisp winter’s day.
It was perfect.
We all went back to our respective rooms after a couple of hours exploring the square, full and sleepy. We were only in Oslo for a single night. Norway was going to be different from the Lake District. We weren’t staying in a single place. Instead, we were moving north. We didn’t know what we were doing or what we were going to see, but I already liked it here. It felt different from what I was used to. That could only be a good thing these days.
In my own room for the night, I sat in the window seat and watched the square begin to quieten. Opening the notebook in my lap—the one from Poppy—I decided it was time to read another page. It only felt right to hear from my sister in the home country of the love of her life.
Savannah,
Just seeing my name in her script swelled my heart so big I thought it might burst from my chest.
I’ve been thinking of how to help you.
I smiled, imagining her with the end of the pen in her mouth, lost in thought.
It made me reflect on what has helped me through these past couple of years. Right up to now, when I have mere weeks left to live.
That line was a punch in my stomach. I hated thinking of Poppy in those final weeks. When she was weak and unable to walk without help. But she’d found strength to write to me. That’s how much she loved me. My breathing shuddered when I took a long inhale.
Friends. People. Family. Without you and Ida. Without Mama and Daddy, the Kristiansens, Aunt DeeDee and Jorie, I wouldn’t have been able to keep strong. Without the love from my Rune, I wouldn’t be able to face my fate with dignity and graciousness.
With the understanding that it’s my time to go home.
So that is my task to you, Savannah. To allow people in. To allow your beautifully pure heart to be seen by others outside of our family. I know you find it hard to open up. I know you find being in large crowds of people uncomfortable. But we need love, Savannah. When we are hurting and the world feels like it is caving in on us, we need people around us to hold us up.
Love, Savannah. I have realized that my biggest wish for you is love. In whatever shape that might come in. But having you all around me right now, when my days are numbered and my last breath grows near, your love gives me strength to face it. Lets me know I’m not alone.
Death is easier to face with company.
When I’m gone, I don’t want you to feel alone either. You will need people to help carry you through. And if I had one dream for you, Savannah, it would be for you to find your Rune.
My stomach somersaulted in fear. Finding a love like Poppy and Rune’s terrified me. Not because it wasn’t welcome. But what would happen to me if I loved so hard, found my other half, my twin flame, only to have them leave in the same way Rune lost Poppy? Watching them fade, day by day, knowing that soon, their light would be snuffed out from your heart, never to be lit again.
I wouldn’t be able to survive.
I choked on a watery sob when I read
I know that thought will terrify you. As you read this, you will know what my passing has done to Rune. A tear fell from my eyes when I saw the ink penning Rune’s name was smudged. And that just ripped me wide open. Because as strong as Poppy was, that thought of leaving Rune must have made her cry. Rune was her reason for lasting as long as she had. She had fought harder for more days to spend in her soulmate’s arms.
I pray that he can find peace. That he can find happiness after I’m gone. That he can find meaning in my loss. And I hope that for you too, Savannah. That you don’t let my death consume you. Keep your heart open and let love in when it should present itself. Because you are so lovable, my beautiful sister. I should know, because I love you so impossibly hard.
We are nothing without love. So please … just … let it in.
I adore you,
Poppy
Silent tears fell onto my chest as I shut the notebook. I closed my eyes and thought of Rune. In the aftermath of Poppy’s death, he was completely broken. But gradually, day by day, he’d begun to find his way back to life again. Find meaning in why he was left behind.
Poppy had taught him that. To view the world as one big adventure. She was fearless, and embraced life with her arms wide open. Rune had honored that by taking picture after picture of the world’s wonders in tribute to the girl who’d left him too soon.
My arms stayed trapped around my waist. And I realized now that that did not serve me at all. I hadn’t even tried to live. I’d just allowed myself to be taken down into a back void of sadness and stripped of all hope. What would happen if I just tried to embrace life? Just for a while?
What if I allowed in love?
I opened my eyes and saw the twinkling, colored string lights that adorned the square shimmer in my periphery. I tipped my forehead to the windowpane, then looked down … Suddenly, I sat up straighter and held my breath when I saw a solitary figure walking up to the now-empty ice rink, a few scattered streetlights the only source of light.
But it was enough for me to see everything.
To see Cael stop at the entrance of the rink, his boots a centimeter from the edge of ice. Every inch of his body was taut, and his hands fisted at his side. Breath held, I watched, enraptured as he knelt down and removed his gloves. Tucking them in his pocket, he warred with himself for minutes and minutes, before placing his hands palms down on the ice.
And then he stayed that way. Stayed that way so long that my mind wandered, and I heard Poppy’s voice in my head whisper,
“Keep your heart open and let love in when it should present itself …”
This boy … this boy had captured something inside of me. And seeing him right now, alone at the rink that was once his place of solace, was my undoing.
Letting my heart lead me, I jumped off the window seat. I ignored the curfew set by Mia and Leo, took hold of my coat, and fled from the room. I let my courage steer me out of the hotel doors, unseen by Leo and Mia and out onto the sleepy square. Only a few people milled around at this late hour. But I didn’t pay them any mind. Instead, I made my way to the boy on his knees, broken and alone, and joined him on the ground.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.