Laughter is the medicine that heals the soul. You have always been the most serious out of us all, Savannah. Because of that, I would strive to make you laugh. And when you did … ah, my joy would be unbridled! You have the sweetest laugh and the brightest of smiles. They must be shared more. As your big sister, I insist.
So, find joy in the world again, Savannah. Find reasons to laugh, no matter how trivial or minute. Laugh so hard tears stream down your face. And know that I’ll be laughing along with you as I watch you beautiful and free.
I’ll always adore you,
Poppy
Savannah
We were all dressed in white. It was early morning, and already we could hear people readying outside. Smell the burned-out bonfires that had been lit last night, and the excitement from the streets pulsed like a tidal wave of happiness through the hotel walls.
Today was the Hindu festival of Holi. A day where followers of the faith celebrated the coming of spring, eternal love and the triumph of good overcoming evil. The festival is a riot of color. Brightly colored water and powder are thrown with joyous abandon. It is filled with laughter and happiness, and for a day, everything is good and filled with positivity and light.
The people of Varanasi had been preparing for days. I was generally averse to participating in mass social settings. I often felt too intimated. But even
I felt a fissure of excitement. I smiled at the sight of Cael dressed in all white too.
“I can see you looking at me again, Peaches,” he said playfully. I decided I adored this version of him. The cheeky, playful side. He cast me a prolonged side eye.
A surprise peal of laughter left my lips and burst in the air above us. “I’m just not used to seeing you in anything but black.” My heart beat faster. “You look so handsome.” Cael’s eyes melted. It was true. When he dressed in white, his dark hair stood out proudly, his silver-blue eyes even brighter and more alluring than normal. White clothes turned his turbulent gaze into a serene calm sea.
Cael curled his fingers into my hair, which was tied in a high ponytail. “You’re going down, Peaches,” he said, holding tightly to the bags of colored powder Kabir had given us all. We would be able to get more if we ran out, back here at the hotel or from vendors on the street.
I laughed again. It felt good. The lightness. This brief departure from grief. Celebrating the turning of spring and brightness, of evil not prevailing. I may not have shared the Hindu faith, but I was happy to embrace the ceremony and throw myself into just one day of pure fun and happiness within the most beautiful culture.
It seemed Cael was in that mindset too.
“Ooh, fighting talk,” Dylan said, moving up next to us and rubbing his hands together. He nudged me in the arm. “What do you think, Sav? Me and you versus Cael and Trav?” I laughed as Travis stood beside Cael and rested his arm on Cael’s shoulder. Travis was a lot shorter than Cael, and the sight of him trying to rest against Cael was comical. Travis’s bright red hair stood stark against the white clothes too.
“Teams?” Lili asked, smiling in excitement as she and Jade joined the fray. We were all waiting at the door of the hotel like racehorses stomping in the stalls to be set free and run.
“Three teams,” Travis said. Dylan swung his arm around my shoulders, towering over me. Since our talk, Dylan had seemed a little lighter. He’d confided in me more. Had told me story after story of him and Jose and their life together. Each time he finished a story, there was a new fleck of brightness to his amber eyes. It had become my goal to see them fill with life once more.
Some people you just click with. It was that way with Dylan. I looked to Cael. It was that way with him too.
He saw me watching and playfully pointed at me, then gave me a thumbs down. I couldn’t help but laugh again. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He was smiling. The last time he’d smiled this hard was at the ice rink in Norway. Cael was a born sportsman. He clearly thrived in competition. He needed to play hockey again. It was more than what he played; it was who he was. I didn’t know how to make that happen. But it was true. Sport and the thrill of competition were his happy place.
He had become mine.
The sounds of screams and laughter grew closer as the streets outside of the hotel began to fill and people raced for the ghats. Colored powder splattered on the windows, and Dylan rubbed his hands together. “I’ve got you, Sav,” he said and kissed the top of my head.
“You better get off my girl, Dyl,” Cael warned, Massachusetts accent thick but humor lacing every word.
Dylan wagged his eyebrows. Cael laughed but then pointed at Dylan in the same way he had pointed at me. I was momentarily struck. I knew I must’ve been witnessing a glimmer of the Cael from before Cillian passed. The one who would joke with his teammates. The free Cael, one not shackled by grief.
I couldn’t take my eyes off him this way. His dark tattoos and gauges standing stark against the white of his clothes. He was tall and broad, the muscles of his arms defined through years of hockey training. I hadn’t met anyone more beautiful.
Dylan whispered in my ear, “You’re drooling, Sav.” Embarrassment immediately blazed on my cheeks, and I nudged Dylan in the side. Dylan’s laughter was light and beautiful. I nudged him in his stomach again, and he made a sound a lot more dramatic than my touch had warranted. Apparently, that was highly amusing to him too.
“Ready?” Dylan asked, when Kabir went to the door. Even Mia and Leo were with us, with their bags of colored powder too.
“Ready,” I said, gaining better purchase on my bags. My pulse was racing so fast. I didn’t know what to expect. But Kabir had told me it was a moment I would remember for a lifetime.
Walking over to me and Dylan, Cael dropped a kiss on my head and whispered “I love you, Peaches” into my ear; then the door burst open into what looked like the inside of a rainbow. Just before we stepped out, he added, “But I’m coming for you.”
I laughed as Dylan took hold of my hand and dragged me outside into the busy street. I barely made it six feet when a ball of blue hit my chest. I coughed as the powder exploded into the air before me. I turned to see who had thrown it but was quickly hit by another ball. It was pink this time. I could barely see the street for the colors—blues, greens, pinks, and purples. People had no particular target; it was like being inside of a Jackson Pollock painting.
A ball of yellow hit my side, and I saw Cael towering over the rest of the people in the street. He was already covered in a rainbow of colors, his silver eyes as bright as the powder he wore. But I realized he had thrown the yellow ball at me.
“Sav, get him!” Dylan shouted from beside me. I moved on instinct and, grabbing green powder from my bag, threw it back at him. Cael’s face was illuminated with happiness, and it stole my breath. My momentary pause was an advantage Cael took, and he threw purple at my arm. Then he bent down and quickly pressed a powdery kiss on my lips as if to soften the blow.
I reached into my bag, Cael backing away with his teeth gleaming in the sun, and the next few hours became a melee of color and laughter and fun. Of celebrating and experiencing a culture that had only been kind to us.
We ran through the streets, our group never straying too far from one another. Kids and adults alike threw powder and colored water at us, followed by gracious embraces. The ground became a huge piece of street art, the walls of the buildings a riot of life. And through it all, Cael remained nearby. My cheeks ached from smiling, my chest was sore from so much laughter, and my heart felt full. The constant ache of grief had momentarily slipped away, and I relished the feeling. It was freedom. It was hedonistic.
It was so incredibly needed.
Needing a break, I pushed myself into a small, curved-out section of a wall, just to catch my breath. My hand pressed over my racing heart, and I laughed as Dylan threw the rest of his blue powder over Lili. Her scream was deafening. Jade chased Travis through an alleyway, only for Cael to jump out and cover her head-to-toe in pink. I watched it all playing out before me like a movie. Watched Cael’s hair turn, hour by hour, from black into a multi-colored neon dream.
I was so in love with this boy that it was almost too much for my heart to contain.
This was life.
This, laughter and happiness, connection and play. The simplicity of this day had made me feel more alive than I had in years. And love. Loving Cael had been the single biggest blessing in my life. Allowing someone else into my heart was a happiness that I had chased away for too long.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.