It’s why she wasn’t scared. I couldn’t have been more thankful that she had that faith, to help her face death with such bravery and grace.
Cael pressed a kiss on my head, and I tipped my chin to see him. He turned his attention from the chanting holy men to me. Our gazes caught and something deeper burrowed within them. I couldn’t explain it. It was just …
more. Some soul-level blessing that he brought to my life coming alive between us. Goose bumps broke out all over my body. But not from fear. From rightness. Like the universe I studied and adored so much was screaming at me that he was mine, and I was his.
I knew Cael was my forever. Maybe it was Poppy sending that confirmation to me. I didn’t want to live one more day where he didn’t know how truly loved and cherished he was.
I wanted to give him all of me. If losing Poppy had taught me anything, it was that time is fleeting. I no longer wanted to wait a single minute to show him how loved he was. So I curled into his side and counted down the seconds until we could be alone.
Once I was back in my room, I waited impatiently for Leo and Mia to do their final checks. When they had said their goodnights and gone to their own rooms, I got to my feet. I knew I was disobeying their rules and breaking their trust with what I had planned to do, but I
needed Cael. That was the only way I could explain it. I wanted to show him all my love, and in my heart, I felt that was worth the risk of being caught.
I had just reached the door when a soft, almost-nothing knock sounded on the other side. Confused at who that could be, I opened the door, only to find Cael on the other side. He was busy searching the hallway, clearly making sure he hadn’t been seen, when he met my eyes. He swallowed, looking beautifully nervous. He opened his mouth to speak, when I took his hand and guided him inside my room. I didn’t need an explanation for why he was here. I was feeling it too.
I shut the door silently, then turned to face him. When our eyes met, nerves trickled through my veins. Not bad nerves, but nerves that were set alight and pulsing with life. By the intensity in Cael’s eyes, I could see he wanted to be with me too. I watched him swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat underneath the tattoos that tried to disguise his grief. But I saw the boy he was underneath. I had always been able to see who he truly was inside.
I took hold of Cael’s hand. “Sav …” he whispered, his deep voice filling the room with an unspoken question. I kissed his palm, then each of his fingers. His were shaking slightly. “Sav,” he said again, words evading him.
“I want this,” I said and closed the space between us. I brought my lips to his. Cael’s kiss was tentative, gentle, and so, so careful. He held me like I was fragile, a prized possession he couldn’t bear to part with. I felt that way about him too.
Without breaking from his lips, I slowly guided us to my bed. As we lay down, Cael lifted above me and met my eyes. He pushed my hair back from my face. “Are you sure?” he said, checking it was what I wanted.
“Yes,” I said, voice strong with conviction. But I swallowed some trepidation when I said, “I’ve … I’ve never done this before.”
His forehead pressed to mine. “Neither have I.” I burst with light, exhaling the last of any nervousness that lived in my heart.
“I love you,” I said and slowly lifted his shirt over his head.
“I love you too,” he said and reached into his jeans’ back pocket for his wallet. He took out protection, and I waited for more of my nerves to hit. But they didn’t come. My conviction held strong.
I was done with being scared of everything and anything, of not embracing life’s moments because of fear. Instead, I wanted to embrace love and all that it brought—the joy, the wonder, the headiness. I wanted Cael more than breathing, and I wanted to be with him in every way.
I wanted to live.
With adoration in his silver-blue gaze, Cael kissed me and melted against my body, making me completely his. He held my hands, squeezing them twice. My heart bloomed as he did. And he kissed me, soft and sweet. He treasured me, respected me, and cared for me more than I believed possible.
He made me his until we were one existing soul. Nothing had ever felt so special.
Afterward, he held me to his chest and kissed my head. I ran my hand up his sternum and to the ship that was tattooed into his pale skin. Cael’s fingers stroked through my hair, playing with the curls the humidity brought out. I’d never felt so at peace. So content. I closed my eyes when I realized my mind had calmed. It brought tears to my eyes.
“Sav?” Cael said, stilling when my tear hit his chest and ran down his stomach. He lifted my head toward him with a finger under my chin. Worry etched his features when I met his gaze.
“My thoughts are calm,” I whispered, a watery smile pulling on my lips. Cael studied me closely, until I saw he understood what I meant. And that it was a good thing.
“Yeah?” he said in a hushed whisper and ran his fingertip down my cheek. Love shone from his every movement. I never wanted to be parted from this boy ever again.
“My anxiety …” I paused, trying to explain. “My head is always full, thoughts racing. It makes me feel out of control. Overwhelmed.” I smiled and studied the tattoos on his stomach. “Now …” I trailed off and threaded my fingers through his. I looked up at him again. “With you … like this,” I said, blushing. Cael’s lip tugged up, showing a hint of a smile. I’d come to understand that he loved it when I blushed. “When I’m with you, it calms.”
Cael cradled my cheek with his free hand. “Because your heart knows I’ll protect you.” He swallowed, showing vulnerability. “That I’ll always keep you safe.” His voice turned gravelly. “That I’ll never stop loving you.” My chest bloomed with warmth. “Because I couldn’t love you more if I tried.” Cael shifted down until we were facing one another. He kissed me, and I knew after tonight nothing between us would ever be the same. I had given him my heart to hold, and he had given me his.
But I trusted Cael to keep it safe—to keep me safe. I trusted him with everything I was.
Cael pulled me back into his chest, and I lay against him. I cherished this boy. He understood me, and I understood him. Our path to healing was still ongoing and I didn’t know what lay ahead, but right now, in this moment, we were, for once, at peace. Minutes and minutes ticked by, until Cael said, “I better go back to my room, Peaches. I don’t want us to get in trouble.”
“Okay,” I said but held him tightly just for a few more seconds. Cael’s affectionate chuckle made me smile. He dressed, and leaning down, he placed his hand on my cheek and kissed me so softly my heart melted.
“See you tomorrow, baby,” he said, then went to the door, looking back at me over his shoulder before he snuck back into the hallway and returned to his own room.
I lay back in my bed and felt so happy I thought I would burst. I knew I wouldn’t be getting any sleep and wanted so badly to shout my love for Cael from the rooftops. I wanted everyone to know we had fallen in love, and it felt incredible. So, I reached for my phone and called the person I knew would understand the gravity of what had just happened. Ida answered on the second ring. “Savannah!” she said, her happiness radiating through my cell phone.
“Ida …” I whispered. “I have so much to tell you …”
Breaking Hearts and Letting Go
Savannah
Varanasi, India
A few days later
THE SYMPHONIC CHANTS FROM THE PRIESTS DRIFTED TO OUR BOAT ON THE Ganges. It was our final night in India, and we were attending the ceremony of Ganga Aarti, a daily religious ceremony at dusk where priests thanked the river Ganges for its purification qualities. They blew conches, rang bells, and clanged cymbals.
It was utterly majestic.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.