I wanted to break down this final barrier. And I wanted to do this with Cael by my side. I leaned in and kissed him. Then I rose from the table and Cael came too. “You sure?” he asked.
“I’ve never been surer.”
Cael led us outside, and to Leo, who would be accompanying us. Leo led the way down the street, until we entered a large building. People milled about in the foyer, and Cael handed in our tickets. Leo would be seated away from us to give us this moment alone.
As we were led to the main theater, I breathed it all in. The familiarity of seeing an orchestra pit. We had never missed a performance by Poppy. We were always there, watching her play. I used to sit, mesmerized as she’d played, eyes closed and a smile upon her pretty face. She had become lost to the notes, swaying to the melodies, hand delicate as though she performed an intricate ballet with her bow.
I had loved it. Every time.
As we sat in our seats, I held tightly to the program we’d been given. There was a fissure of nerves cracking in my chest. I felt Cael watching me. “She practiced all day long,” I said, and Cael’s hand moved to rest on my thigh. I stayed staring at the drawn curtain that hid the orchestra from view. “I used to curl up on the window seat in our living room and read as Poppy practiced in the background.” I smiled at the memory. And when I did, there was no pain. A dull ache, perhaps, but the memory no longer sliced me open. It felt …
nice, to remember her this way.
“Of course, she played in concerts. She was amazing. She was part of many orchestras. Always first seat, because she was that talented. But my mind still takes me back to those lazy, rainy days as I read in our living room, Poppy playing beside me, Ida on the floor playing with her dolls.” I could feel Cael smiling at that.
Tears sprang to my eyes. “The house has been too quiet for quite some time now.” I blinked away the blurriness from my eyes. “Near the end, she could no longer play. She became too weak to hold the bow. But there was still classical music playing all the time, at home.”
Cael squeezed my leg again. I looked to him, to see his eyes shining with tears too. “After she left us, the music left too.” I thought about reading in my window nook again when I returned home. “Maybe when I’m home, I’ll play it again. For her,” I said, then smiled. “And for me.”
“I think she’d like that, Peaches,” Cael said, and I lay my head against him, closing my eyes as he kissed my hair. Suddenly, applause broke out and the curtain lifted, showcasing the orchestra. My eyes immediately sought out the cellists.
I watched them with rapt attention as they sat down, and the conductor took to the stage. The crowd grew silent, the air pausing around us too. The conductor gave instruction, and the orchestra broke to life.
I smiled when Vivaldi’s
Four Seasons began to fill the room. I smiled because “Spring” was one of Poppy’s favorite parts. And when it began, I could see her. I could see her up on that stage once more, playing with her eyes closed, a smile on her face, white bow in her hair and swaying to the music.
I closed my eyes too. I closed my eyes and only saw Poppy. Giving me one last performance. Just her on the stage, playing to me from the beyond. None more so when her favorite piece of all time began. “The Swan” from
The Carnival of Animals.
I let tears stream down my face as the cellist took the lead. I let the notes sink into my heart. Let the melody fill up every inch of my soul. And I let Poppy play for me in my mind. Let my sister give me this. Give me the gift of her favorite music back to me.
Cael’s hand was trembling in mine as he gripped me tightly. Even he could feel the heightened beauty of this moment. A moment he had given me. A cherished gift he had given me back.
As the final note quivered on the string, vibrating into the body of the theater, it drifted over my head. I opened my eyes when the audience clapped in rapturous applause. I clapped too, but I struggled to stand. My eyes were wide, and my chest was raw. But it was from getting this part of me back, of my sister, my family. It wasn’t in sadness. It was in love and joy and hope.
It was Poppy.
I turned to Cael as the orchestra took their bows and began leaving the stage. We stood, and I lifted to my toes and kissed him. I sank against him and whispered, “Thank you. Thank you so much.”
I knew he’d heard me, even over the applause, because he brought his mouth to my ear and whispered, “I’d do anything to make you happy, Peaches.”
This boy had my entire heart.
Leo hugged me as we came out of the theater to find him waiting for us. Even his eyes showed the remnants of tears, proving how moving music and the arts could be.
Cael and I walked back to the hotel hand in hand. I glanced up at the stars. Fewer were visible in the city, but there were some still shining through.
“The stars,” I said, and Cael looked up too. I pressed my cheek to his bicep. “They’re both up there, you know. Watching and smiling down at us.”
Cael’s breathing hitched, but then he said, “I really hope they are.”
Leo saw us to our bedrooms, and we each went inside. I only waited ten minutes before sneaking from my room and knocking on Cael’s. When he opened the door, I took my place against him, arms immediately circling his waist. And I held on. Nowhere would ever feel safer to me than in Cael’s arms.
As I leaned back, he kissed me. I kissed him back, not wanting to waste a single second by his side. My stomach fell when I thought of Japan being our last country. I couldn’t bear the thought of being torn away from this boy, the one I was so hopelessly in love with. But we still had time. There was still time left.
I kissed him one more time and said my reluctant goodnight. Tonight, Cael Woods had given me the greatest gift. He was so selfless and beautiful, and right now he was broken. But he was mine, and I was his.
Forever.
And ever.
And I would fight to make him whole too. In whatever way I could.
Broken Plates and Found Beauty
Cael
Tokyo, Japan
TOKYO WAS A RIOT OF COLORS. W
E STOOD ON THE SIDEWALK, JUST LOOKING up at the city, the buildings, the neon colors that decorated this special place in digital prismed light. Even in my numb state, I could see how captivating it was.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.