“Shit,” I whispered, my voice wavering, my chin wobbling.
What a stupid thought to have in my current predicament.
If I was at home right now.
The first tear slipped out, and it took every shred of self-control to hold in the sob that wanted to follow it. My hand was shaking so badly that the key clanged in the door. From behind me, Alishiya laid a gentle hand on my shoulder.
“Let me help you,” she said, in her lovely Scottish accent. The key taken from my hand, I pressed my fist against my mouth like a fucking cork because all the things had to stay right where they were for just five more seconds.
The door unlocked, and I gave her a grateful look. But honestly, if I tried to talk … if I opened my mouth even a little … I’d lose everything I’d held in for the past five and a half hours since I puked up my granola bar.
She smiled. “It’ll be all right. Whatever it is.”
With a jerky nod, I slid into my apartment and closed the door behind me. For a minute, it served as the only thing keeping me from crumpling down onto the floor. My phone buzzed, and I was slow in pulling it out of my backpack because I had a feeling it was Jude. I’d dropped off our conversation really freaking fast once the whole
I might be pregnant and holy shit, he plays professional soccer bombshell hit.
I dumped my bag onto the floor and lurched forward to my little couch, fumbling with my purse as I did because I needed one thing.
I needed Claire.
Ignoring the text notifications, I went straight for the FaceTime. We were not even messing around with phone calls. The camera pulled up while I waited for her to pick up, and I winced. I looked like a crazy person.
When the call connected, when I saw her smiling face—identical to mine, but like, not crazy looking—the cork slipped.
Claire’s smile disappeared immediately. “What’s wrong?”
My chin wobbled.
“Oh my gosh, what’s wrong?” Now her chin wobbled. “Lia, are you okay? Are you hurt?”
“I …” I whispered, but my voice was practically inaudible. “I’m not hurt.”
“Okay.” She sighed. But her face, it was all scrunchy and worried. “Talk to me because my thoughts are going everywhere from brain tumor, to you were robbed, to I don’t even know.”
I exhaled a laugh, but even that sounded pained.
“Do I need to get on a plane?”
I shook my head. “No, I just … I need you to be here with me while I do something.”
“Okay.” Claire looked off camera and shook her head, waving her boyfriend, Bauer, away when he said something. “Hang on, Lee, let me move to the bedroom.”
Her camera whirled, and I tried not to focus on the movement, pinching my eyes shut when that didn’t work because the last thing I needed to do was puke while on FaceTime. Gross. Hearing the click of a door, I opened my eyes, and Claire was sitting on her bed.
“All right, sorry. What are we doing?”
We.
For my entire life, I’d been part of a we. That was the thing about having an identical twin. It’s a guaranteed playmate—someone to tell your secrets to, someone to get in trouble with, and someone to hold space for you when you need it. Yes, I loved Molly and Isabel, but Claire turned me into something more.
Slowly blowing out a breath through puffed cheeks, I reached over, unzipped my overnight bag, and grabbed the pregnancy test that I’d picked up from a pharmacy that I passed on the way to the train station in Haworth. I lifted the box up next to my face, and it took a couple of seconds for it to register.
Claire blinked, leaning in toward her phone screen, and I watched her mouth form the words. Her jaw fell open. Her eyes widened.
“Holy shit,” she whispered.
Another tear escaped, and I wiped it away using the back of the hand holding the box.
“Oh, Lia.”
“Yeah.”
Claire licked her lips, rubbing them together before she spoke again. Oh, it was never, ever good when she was being careful about what words she chose. “What happened? Was it … did you …?” She blew out a breath of her own and gave me weird, intense eyes. “Did someone hurt you?”
“Oh, my gosh, no,” I insisted. “No, it’s not like that. I-I wanted to. I met him a couple of weeks after I got here.”
Claire’s entire frame relaxed. “Okay. Good. You know I had to ask. It’s not … it’s not like you not to tell me when you slept with someone.”
I rubbed my forehead. “I know. But I knew you’d worry if I told you I met a guy in a pub and …” I waved my hand in a vague gesture.
She mimicked my hand movement. “And …?”
“Shut up.”
Claire grinned. “What’s his name?”
Immediately, I shook my head. “I’ll give you the recap later. Right now, I just need to know.”
She sat up, and I couldn’t help but smile at the change in her demeanor. My younger by two minutes twin was going into Mom-mode. “Okay. Are we doing this now?”
“I think so.”
I hauled my ass off the couch and into the tiny bathroom. Once the box was ripped open, I exhaled. Hard.
“What?” she asked.
Studying the piece of plastic in my hand, I shrugged. “It’s just … what a weird little contraption, right? You pee on the thing, and it tells you whether you’re pregnant with a hot British man’s baby.”
Claire smiled. “How hot?”
“Really, really hot.” My answer was so glum, she burst out laughing.
“‘Kay, let’s do this thing.” Her phone must have been propped on something, because suddenly, her laptop was in her lap, and she was typing. One shoulder shrugged. “It does say it’s best to wait until the morning when your urine is the strongest. Or something.” The incredulous look I gave her had her holding up her hands. “Fine, fine. We’re not waiting. Got it. I’m sure your pee is spectacular right now too.”
Using the sink and the knobs on the faucet, I did some propping of my own. Once the angle was good, I ripped open the package and set it carefully on the edge of the sink. “Look away if you don’t want to see ass,” I warned her before shoving my pants down.
“I’m nervous,” she admitted.
“
You are?”
“Yes! I never thought we’d do our first pregnancy test on FaceTime.”
My eyebrows raised slowly. “The fact that you’ve given our first pregnancy tests any thought at all is freaking me out.”
She waved that away. “I know. It’s just … I’m so far away from you.”
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.