I snap my head to him, my rage deepening.
“He’s not letting me see her because we’re criminals. And your solution is to… commit another crime?”
“Well, when you put it like that.”
Growling, I whip away from him and storm towards the balcony, needing to get away.
The warm wind whips through my hair the second I step out, sending the strands flying around my face. It only embodies how I feel, like Medusa with a crown of angry snakes.
It’s not fair, but it’s becoming harder and harder to look at Zade and not blame him, too. I’m beginning to revert back to that bitter, hateful part of myself that was convinced my life wouldn’t be such a goddamn shitshow if Zade didn’t come barreling into it.
And like Medusa, because I’m wrongly being punished, I want to punish everyone else in retaliation.
I feel Zade behind me before I hear him. Always so silent-always sneaking up on me.
“Your dad is being an asshole, Addie, but she’s going to recover, and he won’t be able to keep her from you,” Zade assures quietly.
What if he gets into her head by then? Convinces her I’m bad for her, and then she decides that I’m not worth loving after all.
And they will always feel that way while I’m with Zade. They will always see him as a bad choice, and as long as I’m with him, they won’t allow me into their lives.
Just when I get the chance to have a real relationship with my mom, it’s ripped away from me. It kind of feels like condensing my entire childhood into one day and making me relive it.
“Maybe you should leave,” I mutter.
A beat passes before he drawls, “You want to repeat that for me, little mouse?”
Clenching my teeth, I bark, “You need to leave.”
I told my mother that Zade would always love me unconditionally, but that love is what almost got her killed. He said it himself-Claire wants me so goddamn badly because of him. Because of how much I mean to him.
Accepting his love was hard, but I learned to be okay with it when I was the only one in danger. Now, I don’t know if that’s the case anymore. My parents may be assholes, but are their lives worth sacrificing for this shit?
I keep my eyes pinned to the water sparkling in the afternoon glow, but his silence is so powerful, it invades all five of my senses. All six of them, if I’m being honest. Because I can feel how enraged he is.
“You think that’s going to solve all your problems, don’t you?” he chuckles.
I whip around. “Maybe it would. You can kill Claire and all her minions, and I will finally be able to live in peace.”
He cocks a brow, and his eyes have never suited him better until this moment. One so ice-cold, and the other so full of darkness-two dangerous parts of him reflecting onto me.
“This is getting old, Adeline.”
I rear back. “Why, are you mad that you can’t make me obsess over you to the point where I need you by my side every fucking second of the day? Or because you can’t-“
“What, baby? I can’t what? Make you love me? Care about me? Or is it that I make you feel all those things when you don’t want to?”
He gets in my face, anger tightening his scars and amplifying the icy darkness in those yin-yang eyes.
Have you ever come face-to-face with a pissed off bear? Looked into the eyes of the beast as it seethes? Most don’t live to talk about it.
“You think I’m going to believe your little lies? As if I possess an ounce of insecurity.” He ends that last statement with a laugh, and it grinds against my nerves. I feel my face brighten while my eyes darken.
He’s laughing at me, and I want to hurt him. Not with my fists, but with my words. I want him to hate me so he will understand what it feels like to hate someone so much, yet still crave them.
For once, I want him to feel what
I fucking felt when he forced his way into my life.
“No, but it will bother you when you find that all your efforts have been wasted.” His smile slips, and I feel my first dose of victory. I take a step into him, enjoying the way he stiffens. “All that time spent, using my body against me in the name of love, only to never make me love you at all.”
This time when he smiles, there isn’t an ounce of amusement. It’s fierce and speaks of a man held with a rope around his neck, faced with the decision to hang himself and save his loved one from the same fate or throw her to the gallows instead.
Is he going to hurt me back in order to protect himself? Or is he going to stand here and take it?
“Oh?” he challenges. “Professing your love and begging me to carve a rose in your chest was for fun?”
He bares his teeth, and my lungs constrict. “Did you get so good at writing books that you don’t know the difference between reality and your imagination anymore?”
I narrow my eyes. “Stockholm syndrome is real. A human reaction to someone constantly threatened. It makes sense to trick our brains into thinking we love the person. If only it makes it easier to tolerate them.”
He cocks a brow, unimpressed. And that act is still just as heart-stopping as it’s always been.
“Does this feel good? Does it feel good to punish me for something your father is doing?” he asks, his deep voice merely a whisper. That small dose of victory turns into a pool, and then a flood as pain lances across his eyes.
Does he hate me yet? Does he feel what real love feels like?
You can’t truly love someone if you’ve never hated them. Two sides to a double-edged sword, and they both cut fucking deep.
“It feels like I’m finally setting myself free,” I spit.
He nods slowly, his piercing gaze assessing.
“And you said you didn’t have daddy issues,” he muses, stepping away from me. It makes my heart skip, seeing him pull away.
The flood of victory has made its wave through my body, and now the tide is pulling it back, and I’m beginning to feel the ramifications.
He takes another step away and angles his body towards the doors. A crater has formed, filling with an ocean that divides us. It’s funny how this is the furthest I’ve felt from him, even when hundreds of miles separated us.
A seed of panic sprouts, but maybe that’s just adrenaline. Because the way Zade peers at me now, it looks as if he’s going to choose himself. He’s going to lash out, and I will be the one left hanging.
“Please, baby, run free then. Show me how far you get before you realize you’re only running from yourself. How long will you last when I possess everything that gives you life?”
My chest tightens, but I laugh, mocking him as he mocks me. “You possess nothing but a demon in your body.”
He ignores me. “Your heart, your soul, and your very breath. Run, little mouse. This time, no one will be chasing you.”
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.