I unfolded it with trembling fingers and began to read it aloud.
LENNOX,
I’M NOT SURE WHY YOU THOUGHT I’D EVER
RETURN YOUR FEELINGS. I TOLERATED YOU
BECAUSE OF LEVI. THAT’S THE TRUTH. YOU WERE
ALWAYS JUST IN THE WAY-LOUD, OVERBEARING,
DESPERATE TO MATTER.
YOU LEAD BECAUSE YOU WERE BORN FIRST, NOT BECAUSE YOU EARNED IT. YOU WEAR THE TITLE “FIRST HEIR” LIKE IT MAKES YOU IMPORTANT, BUT IT’S JUST A MASK. UNDERNEATH, YOU’RE INSECURE, SOFT, AND WEAK. EVERYONE SEES IT. YOU THINK NO ONE NOTICES HOW YOU CRUMBLE WITHOUT CONTROL. HOW PATHETIC THAT IS.
I WAS NEVER CLOSE TO YOU BECAUSE I WANTED TO BE. I SMILED BECAUSE IT WAS EASIER THAN
Letters
REJECTING YOU OUTRIGHT. I STAYED QUIET BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO HUMILIATE YOU IN
FRONT OF YOUR BROTHERS.
LEVI-LEVI IS EVERYTHING YOU’RE NOT. HE’S STRONGER. SHARPER. MORE GROUNDED. AND HE DOESN’T NEED TO CONSTANTLY PROVE HIMSELF LIKE YOU DO. BEING AROUND YOU WAS EXHAUSTING, LENNOX. YOU MADE EVERYTHING HEAVY. I COULDN’T BREATHE WHEN YOU WERE NEAR ME-NOT BECAUSE OF ATTRACTION, BUT BECAUSE I FELT TRAPPED.
I FELT NOTHING FOR YOU. NOT EVEN FRIENDSHIP. JUST IRRITATION. AND ANNOYANCE.
LENNOX, YOU ARE WEAK. NOT EVEN A GOOD FIGHTER. I SEE HOW YOU TRY TO MEASURE UP WITH LEVI, BUT YOU CAN NEVER BE HIM. LEVI IS EVERYTHING YOU CAN NEVER BE. LEVI IS
HANDSOME, STRONG, SKILLFUL… A GOOD LEADER IN THE MAKING. AND YOU? YOU ARE JUST HIS
SHADOW, HIDING UNDER HIM. I CAN NEVER LIKE SUCH A PERSON.
Letters
IF I COULD CHOOSE, I’D CHOOSE LEVI A HUNDRED
TIMES OVER.
YOU’VE NEVER BEEN AN OPTION. YOU’VE NEVER
EVEN BEEN CLOSE. I’M TIRED OF PRETENDING SO I
HOPE THIS CLEARS THINGS UP. STOP
EMBARRASSING YOURSELF AND LEAVE ME THE
HELL ALONE.
I COULD NEVER BRING CHILDREN INTO THIS
WORLD JUST TO HAVE THEM TURN OUT WEAK LIKE
YOU.
SO MY ANSWER WILL ALWAYS BE NO.
My voice cracked at the last line.
I lowered the paper slowly and looked at Lennox.
His face was pale, stunned.
I saw it-the pain, the humiliation-sitting heavy on his shoulders.
He swallowed but said nothing.
All three brothers looked confused.
Lettors
“I never wrote that,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “Not a single word. I would never say that to you, Lennox. You should have known that.”
“I believed it,” he muttered, his voice rough. “For years, I thought… that I wasn’t good enough. That you thought I was weak. That you never liked me.”
“I never hated you,” I said, louder now. “I loved you. All of you. I just didn’t know. I didn’t know what you felt. And your letters? I never got them.”
I took a shaky breath, my eyes stinging with unshed tears, but I wasn’t done.
My gaze dropped to Lennox’s hand.
He was still holding Levi’s letter.
The one I supposedly wrote back in response to Levi’ confession.
I marched forward and ripped the paper from his gri
“If that one crushed you,” I said, voice trembling with anger, “then this one destroyed Levi.”
Lettors
I unfolded it.
And with trembling lips, I read:
LEVI,
I DON’T KNOW WHAT MADE YOU THINK I’D EVER WANT YOU. I WAS ALWAYS NICE BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS, BUT MAYBE I SHOULD’VE BEEN HONEST FROM THE BEGINNING.
YOU’RE NOT HIM. YOU’RE NOT LENNOX.
WHY WOULD I CHOOSE THE SECOND HEIR, THE SHADOW, WHEN I COULD HAVE THE FUTURE ALPHA HIMSELF? LENNOX IS STRONG, DEPENDABLE, BUILT TO LEAD. YOU’RE JUST… FOLLOWING ALONG.
TRYING TO KEEP UP.
YOU’RE SOFT, LEVI. EMOTIONALLY WEAK. YOU’RE NOT EVEN MY TYPE. ALL THAT SWEET, QUIET PINING IT WAS NEVER ATTRACTIVE. IT WAS
PITIFUL. LIKE A BOY PLAYING PRETEND.
I COULD NEVER SEE YOU AS A MAN, NOT WHEN I’D ALREADY SEEN LENNOX.
Lettors
LENNOX WALKS INTO A ROOM, AND THE WHOLE WORLD SHIFTS. YOU? YOU DISAPPEAR BESIDE HIM.
I’M SORRY IF YOU THOUGHT THIS COULD BE MORE. IT CAN’T. AND IT NEVER WILL. STOP DREAMING.
I COULD NEVER BRING CHILDREN INTO THIS WORLD JUST TO HAVE THEM TURN OUT WEAK LIKE
YOU.
SO MY ANSWER WILL ALWAYS BE NO.
I LOVE LENNOX. NOT YOU. I NEVER DID. AND I NEVER WILL.
I finished reading and let the’ paper fall from my hand. All three brothers exchanged glances.
I frowned. “Could you see this was a trap… same words… same hurtful words,” I spat and moved forward to Louis and snatched his letter from him. I opened it as I began to read.
LOUIS,
NO.
Letters
THAT’S THE ANSWER. JUST NO.
I’M SORRY IF I LED YOU ON, BUT I NEVER SAW YOU THAT WAY. NEVER EVEN CAME CLOSE. YOU’RE NOT
THE ONE I WANTED. YOU NEVER WERE.
LEVI? MAYBE. LENNOX? DEFINITELY. BUT YOU? YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN THE AFTERTHOUGHT. THE THIRD ONE. THE BROTHER PEOPLE FORGET TO
MENTION.
YOU JOKE ALL THE TIME. SMILE. FLIRT. LIKE THAT’S ENOUGH TO MATTER. LIKE YOU CAN CHARM YOUR WAY INTO SOMEONE’S HEART WHEN THERE’S .NOTHING UNDERNEATH TO HOLD ONTO.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.