Even though I had Caspien by my side and a happy, healthy boy, it didn’t completely erase the pain of the past. I could still remember the hurt, the betrayal, the unrelenting anger.
Even if it was a whisper of the feelings I felt then, it was enough to tighten my stomach.
How did I get through that?
I had no idea, honestly.
How did I physically get through that amount of pain and anger? What would I have become if I didn’t pull myself out of it? Even after the years in the cabin, that pain still lingered deep inside.
If Cali and Caspien didn’t help me find and re-shape myself- I shook my head.
It didn’t matter. I didn’t succumb to that part of me. I clawed my way out.
This is who I was, and the pain shaped me but it didn’t become me.
“I know I don’t have a place to ask this, but if you ever wanted him to meet us, I would be open to that,” Hugo’s eyes shone, mirroring mine. Caspien rubbed circles on the back of my hand, it was a soothing reminder that he was there, that I had him. “It’s up to Emmett,” I said.
“Emmett,” Hugo repeated his name.
I nodded once. It seemed like he had so much more to say but he got up and left after politely saying goodbye to Caspien and I.
I didn’t know how I felt about it all, but overall I felt good. Getting everything out in the open felt so relieving. It felt even better knowing that Hugo at least didn’t hate Emmett just because he could be competition for his other grandson’s title. “Can we go soon?” Caspien asked.
“You read my mind,”
We stood and walked around, speaking to the Alphas and Lunas. We personally thanked them for supporting us. We made polite small talk with the others that voted no, but by Caspien’s tone, it was very obvious that they were not in our good graces.
I could see the unanswered questions in everyone’s eyes about Nolan and my history. But that’s all that it was, history. The truth has a way of showing itself. I didn’t need to say anything negative about Nolan or Blue Ridge; they could form their opinions on their
own.
“We did it,” I breathed once we spoke to the last group of Alphas and Lunas.
He smiled at me, my smile, the one that met his eyes and brightened them, “Our son will be safe, and no one will think to cross us again.” I felt his anger, but it actually comforted me.
Knowing that he claimed Emmett as his own, not just in words but in feelings, was something I never dreamed of.
I knew he didn’t do it for me. He loved Emmett because of who Emmett was.
They accepted each other; loved each other on their own.
I couldn’t put into words, even to myself, what that meant to me.
“I’m going to the bathroom, don’t leave without me.” I excused myself as he got pulled into another conversation.
I left the ballroom, and a flurry of emotions warred for my time.
But I felt relief primarily-a happy release.
I was back here, the place I built up so horribly in my mind. I came back as a new person. I came back as someone who commanded more respect than I did here as the future Luna.
The comparison between who I was here and who I was now was jarring. I couldn’t put it together, but I could appreciate it.
I felt at ease, calm, and overwhelmingly happy to know that I could leave this place behind me in a different light than when I last did.
I turned the corner to the public restrooms as Nolan walked out of his office. He took a step back, looking at me, a large glass of whiskey in his hand.
Just the person I didn’t want to see. I f.orced a polite smile.
“Willa,” I didn’t like his name in my mouth, he raked his gaze over me. I was still wearing the suit from this afternoon, not caring enough to change. “Nolan,” I responded curtly, walking past him.
He grabbed my arm, and anger coursed through me. I jerked out of his hand, fixing him with a steady, confident glare I didn’t have to fake.
“Do not touch me,” I said slowly, meeting his eyes.
The eyes that used to undo me, made me submit and accept anything he said. I didn’t hate him for who I used to be. I didn’t even hate my past self. But I regretted how he made me feel even when we were together and what I accepted from him in the name of what I thought was love. He gave me a smile, more of a smirk, and took a sip of his drink.
“Revenge looks good on you.”
“Revenge?” I scoffed.
To diminish everything he did to me, to reduce everything about my life now to one word..
Revenge.
I smiled despite myself, almost laughing, “Revenge?” I asked him, taking a lazy step towards him.
“None of this for you because of you.” I shook my head but didn’t drop his gaze.
I felt my anger flare up. I wanted to scream at him to tell him just how little I thought of him, but that would give him too much satisfaction.
I settled on the truth, “You aren’t a thought to me anymore.” I paused, “This is me accepting what I deserve and being happy with my family. You don’t exist in my world,” I looked him over, and his smirk fell only slightly, “If you think my happiness is revenge, well, you must have an inflated sense of self-importance.” I shook my head,
“Willa,” His voice softened, but my name sounded strained against his lips.
“There is nothing that I want nor need to hear from you. Whatever you are about to say is only for your benefit, not mine.” His mouth fell slightly open.
I waited for this moment for ages, and now that it was here, I realized I didn’t need to hear anything from him. I moved past it without anything from him, and nothing he could say would make me feel any better.
I used to want to ask him why. I would replay every scenario in my mind during those first long lonely months in the cabin.
I wanted him to grovel, apologize, to explain it in a way that made sense because none of it did. I needed to know how he could hurt me in such a way; I needed it to make sense.
I had wanted this moment for so long, but now that it was here, I realized I didn’t need his validation. I didn’t need any explanation or apology. I didn’t need anything from him.
“You’ve changed.” He muttered.
“And you haven’t.” I shot back.
He clenched his fist, and anger and sadness seemed to war on his face.
“I liked you better when you weren’t such a b.itch,” He spat, and I smiled.
“I almost forgot that you don’t understand confidence in women,” I frowned once, shaking my head, “Little advice from one ruler to another? Shut your mouth before any more of your insecurities show.” I brushed past him and back to the dining room, not giving him a backward glance or a second thought.
(Willa)
The next day was thankfully our last. I was excited to get back home and see Emmett.
would be so much better.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.