But then it flared again, only this time it had grown in strength, like it was stretching its arms and legs after a long sleep. Green neon began to shimmer and drop across the black sky like a glittering curtain.
Before long, the entire sky was filled with green light, the flares reflecting off the white of the snow, increasing its stunning effect. Stars were sprouting in the billions, sparkling like the most expensive of diamonds. It was the greatest show the earth had ever seen.
A sense of peace so profound chased through my every cell, and I felt tears begin to fall down my cheeks. Sitting here, underneath the endless sky, I could see why people believed it was the visiting spirits of our loved ones. Because seeing this felt like seeing Poppy again. My heart swelled, my soul singing with the beauty and grace the lights gave, dancing to a song only the sky could hear.
A sob slipped from my throat, one I couldn’t hold back. But it wasn’t a cry of sadness or loss; it was one of breathlessness and wonder and admiration so strong it seemed to radiate from me as brilliantly as the lights before my eyes. It was Poppy. This was all Poppy. She had been vibrant and bright and breathtaking. She had lived for only a glimmer of time, but she had lived it boldly. She had embraced every moment life had given her …
She had outshone all the night sky.
Cael pulled me closer to him, but there were no hand squeezes or glances of concern. My heart pulled toward him even more, because he had recognized this moment as momentous and serene, not sad or heartbreaking.
It was heart-
affirming.
As we sat under the lights, blues and reds joined the fray. It was a tapestry of light. Sitting here was being shown by the universe that it was infinite and endless. Sitting here was seeing lost loved ones dancing up high among the stars, free of pain and made whole. No fear, no more hurting.
And I cried. As the lights grew in strength, more tears fell. I prayed the myths were right and Poppy was up there, looking down on me with her dimpled smile and zest for life.
My life had been so contained, so small for the past four years. It had been reduced to a single, gutting emotion. As we sat here, the universe was screaming to me that there was more to this life than the one we lived. That when our heartbeat stopped, our soul soared northward, stardust finding its way home.
“Cael,” I whispered and tore my eyes from the lights to briefly look at his face. His cheeks were wet too, his silver eyes looking like two stars had been plucked down and placed within them. I looked back up and just allowed myself to feel it. Feel everything. Admiration, amazement, magnificence, wonderment. Let the wider world invade my soul.
I even embraced the small thread of fear that frayed from the fabric of my heart, the terrifying thought of being so small and insignificant under such a mighty vista.
I felt it all.
I didn’t move for what could have been hours or years. Stayed still on the chair, head tilted back and mesmerized by the aurora borealis and all the beauty she brought to the world, my eyes, and my heart. Then, as a ribbon of pink cut through the mostly green sky, I put my hand over my mouth to silence the cry that fought to escape. It danced even more beautifully than the others, its pale pink hue stunning against the neon greens and blues.
“Poppy …” I whispered quietly but loud enough that if it was she who had come to see me, she would hear me and know that I was here. I never stopped watching that cherry-blossom-pink beam of light as it fluttered gracefully across the stars until it faded away. But it had been there. It had ingrained itself in my mind forever. It had been temporary, it had been beauty personified, and it had burned its image onto my soul.
Then, slowly, the vibrancy of the lights began to dim, each thread fading bit by bit, until they disappeared, leaving only a diamond-washed sky.
A finger dusted down my cheek, and my eyelashes fluttered. My throat felt raw from crying, and my limbs were stiff from not moving.
“Peaches,” Cael’s roughened voice sounded, piercing the silence.
I turned my face toward him. “I felt she was here,” I said, for once in my life not overthinking what I said and blurting out what was in my heart.
Cael’s eyes closed, like that thought hit him deeply, and he placed his drink down, wrapped his strong arms around me, and pulled me to his chest. His cheek rested against the side of my head, and I felt so content I didn’t ever want to leave. I’d found a heaven on earth in this place, with this boy, and I didn’t want to go back to what it had been before.
A hand pressed against my back. “It’s time to go,” a careful, gentle voice announced. Mia. I held on to Cael for a few moments longer, then let him guide us back to the bus. Every face I passed on the way to my seat looked awestruck.
We all appeared changed.
The bus ride home was a blur. By the time we arrived at the hotel, it was late. But when I got to my room I was wired, electricity soaring through me. I didn’t think I’d be getting sleep that night. Sitting on my bed, I found myself staring off at the wall, lost in my thoughts.
Reaching for the journal we’d been given by Mia and Leo, I opened the page and let my soul pour onto it.
Poppy, I wrote.
I think I felt you tonight. For the first time since you passed, I felt you beside me. Please say that it was you.
A lump clogged my throat.
Please say that ribbon of cherry blossom pink that broke through the green was you. Please tell me you are with me on this journey.
I sucked in a breath, desperate tears falling on my exhale.
Please say you are happy and alive, in some miraculous way. Because Poppy … I need that. I need you to be somewhere living. YOU were too big and too bright not to be living. Please tell me you were one of the stars I saw sparkling in the sky tonight, so that I can look upon you when I need you. When I want my big sister to stay with me, for as long as you can.
I can live in the darkness if you are one of the stars.
My words were scattered and pleading. But then I looked to the window, and a joyful cry soared from my lips when I saw another flicker of the northern lights trying to appear over Troms?. And that pink … that ribbon of pink was there, weaving through the stars like the most beautiful of dancers. I held the journal to my chest like I was holding Poppy herself.
“Poppy. I see you,” I whispered and watched as that pink slowly faded away but left a change in my heart. Tears streamed down my face, but they were filled with happiness. “Poppy … I miss you …” I whispered again, for once believing she might actually hear me.
I’d barely climbed into bed, still fully clothed, when a quiet knock tapped at my door. I was wide awake. It was four in the morning. I’d watched the sky like a hawk for any other sign of the lights, but they had gone. Clouds had rolled in over Troms?, making a game of hide and seek with the stars.
The knock sounded again, and I climbed out of bed and cracked it open just a little. Cael was on the other side, eyes full of life and just as wide awake as me. “Come on,” he said and held out his hand, a soft but excited expression on his face.
The rule follower within me told me to stay, that our curfew had passed and we would get into trouble if we were caught sneaking out. Mia and Leo had been insistent that we not break the rules. But then the energy that was still coursing through me told me to forget the rules and seize the moment. It had me ducking back into my room to grab my coat, boots, gloves, and hat. Quietly closing my door, I took Cael’s hand and silently followed him down the stairs and out into the street.
A burst of quiet laughter pealed from my chest when he began to run down the street, pulling me behind. I had no idea where we were going, the wind whipping through my hair. The breeze slapped my face—I felt so alive.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.