“She said when her uncle used to beat her, he would kick her repeatedly in her stomach. He thought that since he hung out with wh ores that Sephie was just like them. He would kick her, call her names, and tell her she wasn’t going to ever bring home another mouth to feed. She hemorrhaged one night and started bleeding profusely. It was likely due to the repeated kicks to her stomach that he gave her. He took her to this doctor who did an ultrasound and found extensive scar tissue. Any reasonable human would’ve known it was from the beatings, but her uncle thought she had gotten pregnant without him knowing. He told the doctor to take her uterus. She pleaded with him not to do it and told him it was because of her uncle’s beatings, but she was 16. Her uncle had guardian rights over her still. The doctor performed the procedure against her will.”
I was so angry that I could barely see straight, but I saw the tears in Ivan’s eyes as he told me this story. Just when I thought her past couldn’t get any worse, I find this out. I didn’t even care about children. That part, the part she thought was the most important, was the least important to me.
“She’s terrified that you’re going to get rid of her because she can’t give you children. Or, and this one was really fu cked up that her mind would even consider it, that you would keep her around while you had children with another woman.”
I suddenly felt like I had been punched in the gut. “How? How could she even think I would do such a dis gusting thing to her?”
“It’s not her thinking that, Adrik. It’s what he beat into her. It’s his programming that she’s still struggling to get free of. We all know how much she loves you. You know how much she loves you. This isn’t her. It’s him. It’s the last hold he still has on her.”
“It’s a good thing she already killed him or I would find him and kill him myself.”
“She did what now? She killed him?” He looked Impressed, Proud, even. was part of the nightmare loop she was stuck in when we were on the plane. She had blocked it out hol e night. The whipping, all of it. Instead of just slicing his Achilles tendon; she said she stood over him and watched him die. He reached for her
Into his heart. She sal could remen that’s impressive.”
“Right? I’ve honestly never been more proud of her. That fu cker got off easy, as far as I’m concerned,” I said, starting to pace back and forth. I was still trying to control my anger over the doctor forcing a procedure on her against her will. I stopped in front of him, looking at him in the eyes. “How do I make her believe that I don’t give two shi ts about her not being able to have children? He II, it actually makes her more attractive to me now. All the se x I could ever want with literally none of the consequences? Who doesn’t want that? How do I fix this? She asked me to leave her alone, which is why I came back downstairs without her.”
He thought for a moment. “You pulled her out of her darkness on the plane and at the ranch house. She told me you did. She did it for me when I was in surgery and the entire night in the hospital. You can pull her out of this, but you’re fighting old. programming that has literally been beaten into her. It’s not going to go away quickly. You’re going to have to be patient and reassure her a lot, I think. It takes a lot of time and repetition to break old programming and form new. But I have no doubt you can pull her out of this. It’s part of the reason you two were meant to be, I think.”
“What if she doesn’t want to talk to me when I go back up there? She had that voice, man. You know the one.” I was suddenly worried that she would slip back to where she was at on the plane where she wouldn’t let anyone touch her. “What if she won’t let me touch her again?”
“She’s going to try to push you away, because that’s the easiest thing for her to do right now. She’s dealt with a lot. She just had more put on her yesterday. But there’s a reason this came up now. This is the final hurdle you have to get over before she can. really believe you’re not going anywhere. Adrik, she’s terrified to be alone. She might be telling you to leave her alone right now, but that’s the last thing she really wants. She talked to all of us about it at the lake today. That’s why she holds onto Max. Being alone got her beat by her uncle, a forced medical procedure, and almost killed. It makes more sense why she can’t let go of him if you look at it like that. You can’t listen to her right now. It’s not Sephie talking anyway. We all know she can’t keep her hands off you.”
I was staring at the gravel on the driveway as I listened to his words. Sephie was right. Wise well beyond his years. I nodded my head. “If she refuses to talk to me, I’m sending you in with her. I know you two share something that the rest of us can’t understand. Maybe you can get through to her if I can’t.”
He chuckled. “It’s good to have a backup plan, but you won’t need it. You’ll get through to her.
Adrik
I walked quickly up the steps to the front door, not sure I believed his words, but hoping that he was right. I took the steps, two at a time, and walked back to the balcony, hoping she hadn’t disappeared while I was talking to Ivan. My mind was racing, my heart was racing, but most of all I just wanted to hold her. And maybe find that doctor and put a bullet in his head, but I’d save that for later. Right now, she needed me more than I needed revenge.
She was sitting in the chair, her knees pulled up to her chest, her face buried in her arms. I could hear her softly crying as I walked out onto the balcony. It was starting to get much cooler. Fall nights meant the sun set much earlier. There was barely any daylight left. I was worried about her getting cold. Without thinking, I scooped her up from the chair and went to the bed. Thankfully, she didn’t protest. Or punch me. I sat with her in my arms, her still curled up in a tight ball rocking back and forth slightly, for a few minutes, trying to find the right words to say. “Sephie, can you look at me?” She just shook her head no. At leas she’s responding. “Sephie, Ivan told me. I know.” She froze. “Sephie, I don’t even like kids. I think it’s dangerous to bring children into my world. They’re a vulnerability and it’s also not fair to the children. I was 7 the first time someone made an attempt on my life to get to my father. No kid should have to deal with that. I decided long ago that I never wanted to bring children into my world and I haven’t looked back.” As I talked, I ran my hands down her arms, trying to coax her to look at me. The more I talked, the more of her eyes I started to see. I leaned over and turned the lamp on beside the bed. I knew she was going to need to search. I was just hoping it would be sooner rather than later. “Sephie, I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you in the restaurant. I loved you before I knew you existed. There was a part of me that longed for what we have even before I knew you were real. I was beginning to lose hope that I would ever find it. And then I met you. You’ve made my life infinitely better, Sephie. All our lives infinitely better. I love you. Always and forever.”
She slowly raised her head to look at me. I could clearly see the doubt written all over her face, her eyes searching mine. She held my gaze, looking for what she was always worried she would find, but never did. I couldn’t help but smile at her. “Sephie, you’re never going to find what you’re looking for. It doesn’t exist.” She dropped her gaze and my heart sank. I was worried I had ruined the moment, but she lifted her eyes again, stopping at my chest. She moved like she was going to touch me, but stopped herself. I could see the internal struggle she was going through clearly on her face. Her eyebrows furrowed. “You really don’t care?” she asked. She still wouldn’t look me in the eye. She was still staring at my chest. Her hands started to fidget.
“Sephie, this makes you more attractive to me, if I’m being honest. We can have all the se x we want and never have to worry about any of the consequences. I assumed you were on birth control or something which is why I’ve never brought this up before, because you never had a period. I should’ve had this talk before. You wouldn’t have been terrified this whole time that I was going to leave you.” I hooked her fidgeting fingers into mine. She dropped her knees, crossing them in front of her. She held my hand in both of hers, staring at it, turning it over, anything to occupy her hands. I couldn’t help but smile at her because she was so focused on this making her mean less to me, when, in reality, it made her mean more to me. “Sophie, I want to marry you. When all of this is over with the bosses and things calm down, I want to make you mine. This doesn’t change that. Nothing will ever change that.” I reached down and lifted her chin gently so she would look at me again. Her eyes were softening, but there was still doubt there, still fearful. I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers, trying to think of any way I could to convince her to believe my words. Her hands quieted and I felt the tiniest of pulls on my hand as I kissed her. I put both of my hands on either side of her face, deepening the kiss. She let me, but didn’t respond right away. I kept going anyway. Finally, I felt her hands on my shirt, gently pulling me toward her. I stopped, kissing her forehead, and looked in her eyes again. Softer. Less doubt. Less fear. “I love you, solnishko. I will always love you. will always want you with me, by my side. Always.”
Her breath caught and I could see the tears forming in her eyes. In the dim light, it made the colors of her eyes dance. I smiled at her, kissing her once more. “You’re still beautiful even when you cry.” She reached up and lightly traced her finger over my cheek, along my jawline. She loved running her fingers through my stubble. I was happy that she wanted to. She leaned over and klased me gently. She kept her face close to mine.
“You really don’t care?” she asked again, her eyes still searching.
“I really don’t care. I really do love you,” I said, smiling at her. Finally. Finally, a small smile crept across her face. Her eyes were softer. The doubt and fear almost completely gone.
“I really do love you too,” she said, her smile growing.
“Enough to marry me instead of Andrei?” I asked, my head cocked to the side. She grinned at me. God, I love her.
She dropped her gaze, taking my hand back in both of hers. She sighed. “Don’t tell Andrei,” she said as she looked back at me,
“but he never had a chance.
Adrik
We stayed in the extra room for a few hours. While she was mostly better, I knew she was still overwhelmed with everything she’s had to deal with. To be honest, I was enjoying the extra time with her all to myself. I loved that the guys loved her and she loved them. I loved that I didn’t have to worry as much when I was away from her because I knew they would protect her. But I also loved these moments when it was just the two of us together.
We had laid down on the bed, with her across my chest in her favorite spot. As we were talking, my stomach interrupted the conversation, growling loudly. She laughed. “At least it wasn’t mine for once.” She sat up, pulling me up with her. “We should get you some food.” She paused for a moment. “Do you think the guys are all in their rooms now?”
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.