I nudged him and said, “My Rune.”
Rune choked on his laugh, and a tear spilled over the crease in his eye. “Your Rune,” he echoed.
“He’s a hockey player from just outside of Boston,” I said.
“Boston, hey?” he said, clearly referring to my future at Harvard.
“He was meant to go to Harvard last fall. On a hockey scholarship. But he walked away from both that and the sport when his brother passed. His brother was a hockey player too, and it became too hard for Cael to keep playing … the memories … they were too difficult.”
“Give him time,” Rune said. “He’s walked a hard path. But he might find his way back there.” He turned to me. “Serendipitous, though,” he said. “That Cael should’ve been going to Harvard too …” That’s exactly what I had thought. Rune pointed up at the sky. “I’d say this has your sister’s mark written all over it.”
I laughed. “She did love love.”
“She did love love,” Rune repeated wistfully. “God, Sav. I miss her so much. Being in these places makes me feel like I miss her more but also that she’s right here, beside me, too.”
“I know what you mean,” I said. Then I asked him what I knew I should have asked him a long time ago. “Are you okay, Rune?
Really okay?” I saw in his face that he knew I wasn’t asking about in general. I was asking about how he was without Poppy.
“I am,” he said, and some tight pull in my chest settled. “Because there’s no way I won’t see your sister again someday. I
know I’ll be with my girl once more. I’ll get to kiss her again and hold her close. I’ll get to hear her laugh and hear her play the cello. I’ll get to sleep beside her and just be with her. Like we always should have been. And all the years we have had to spend apart will fade to dust.”
I ducked my head so he wouldn’t see me break. It clearly didn’t work, because he said, “For now, I see her in my dreams, Sav. I talk to her every day, and I know she hears me. I see her perfect dimpled smile. And in my soul, she reassures me she’s happy and pain-free. I talk about her any chance I get. It keeps her alive to me.” His voice grew hoarse, thickened with emotion. “There’ll never be anyone else for me. Even from heaven, Poppy gives me more love than I could ever need.” He lifted his camera. “I travel the world and take pictures for her. In her honor. She gives me purpose, every day. And that helps me keep going. Helps me stay away from the darkness of grief.” His lip pulled up fondly at the side. “Poppy taught me that. How to cherish and love life. Even with her gone. I owe it to her to live for us both. I promised her. And would never break my promise to my girl.”
“Purpose … like studying medicine will be for me,” I said, thinking of Tala, of all the kids back in the Philippines, especially those who couldn’t be saved.
“Like you studying medicine,” he said in agreement. “We honor Poppy by keeping going, in her name. That will be enough for me until I see her again.”
He was quiet for a few minutes, our conversation floating above us. “I don’t regret a single moment of my life with your sister, Sav,” he said. “Even the bad times. The very worst times. When she was down, in the trenches, I was there with her. She knew that. That’s what made us so strong. Thrive or fail, I was beside her, holding her hand. Nothing would make me leave her … not even death.”
I pictured Cael and knew that was us too. I would be with him through rain or sunshine, when he was dancing in the light or lost in the dark. I just prayed he knew he had me, one hundred percent. I knew he thought himself a burden to me. But he was far from it. He elevated me. Made me soar. I knew he hated when he broke, when he was down and sinking into darkness. But what Cael did not get was that vulnerability only made me love him more. I’d come to understand that we showed our worst to those we love best. There was no judgment. Only complete, unwavering support.
I clutched on to Rune’s arm. “I’m real glad you’re here,” I said and laid my cheek on his bicep. “A piece of home with me halfway across the world.” I smiled as the cherry blossoms swayed in the breeze again. “A piece of Poppy.”
Rune kissed my hair and we sat in silence, just watching the trees my sister loved so much. Remembering her. Honoring her. Thinking of her.
Loving her.
Forever Always.
Goodbye
Savannah
?tsuchi, Japan
WE ARRIVED AT THE SMALL COASTAL TOWN OF ?
TSUCHI ON A HAZY AFTERNOON. It was vastly different from Kyoto. A sea dominated the view. Trees and fields. But it was remote and quiet.
I had left Kyoto feeling full but also a bit raw. Seeing that many blossom trees in full bloom and seeing and speaking to Rune … it was beautiful but also difficult. It was the little things, I realized, that could trigger a pang of grief in your heart. A feeling so overwhelming and strong that, for a few hours, it could thrust you back into the fire. But I had learned to climb out of it, a little charred but not burned. That was progress.
Although Kyoto had been difficult at times, I had tried my hardest to feel the beauty there too. I had visited a place Poppy had so desperately wanted to see. And I had been there with Rune. I knew she would have been so joyful about that. Rune had taken a picture of us both together, among the pink and white sea of petals. And I knew when I returned to Blossom Grove, Georgia, that picture would be leaning against my sister’s grave.
Rune had come to dinner with us all on the trip. We had talked of Poppy with wide smiles on our faces and tears in our eyes, remembering her fondly. It had been long overdue with the boy I thought of as a brother.
And Rune being Rune took a walk that evening with Dylan. When they returned, Dylan seemed lighter in his gait. His eyes didn’t seem so heavy. My heart squeezed looking at the two of them—good men who had had to part with their soulmates far too soon. I had looked at Cael then. He had wrapped his arms around me without words, as if he had read there was a little sadness on my soul. As if he had had the same dark thought as I—if anything happened to him … I didn’t know how I would come back from that. It made me more in awe of Rune than I had ever been. How he had picked up his life and was actually living it. He was making his dream of being a photographer a reality. He had made living for Poppy his purpose.
Honor. Japan had taught that above anything. That every action should be done with honor, with purpose. That we, as people, needed to understand that nothing lasted forever. Everything was temporary, from the cherry blossoms to the seasons to the short lives of flowers or pets to both good and hard times. Everything passed; everything started anew.
Especially life.
All but love.
Life was messy. It could break you and tear you apart. But that didn’t mean that life, in all its imperfection, couldn’t be made and remade into something beautiful, that brokenness had to be ugly. It could be mesmerizing and breathtaking.
Simply looking at Cael reminded me of that.
And now we were here. In a new part of Japan. Small and still. Our very final stop. There was a melancholy within me. I had fought so hard against coming on this trip. Now I was desperate to stay. But I knew we had to break out of our bubble if we were to truly move on. We had to take everything we had learned back to our normal lives.
I just prayed the strength I felt within me now persevered. I felt it would. Seeing other cultures, facing the issues I had buried down deep had been liberating. I felt like a previously caged bird close to being set free.
But we had one more stop. Just one more stop before I could spread my wings and fly.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.