He kissed my hair. “All my girls, back on home ground.” I knew he meant Poppy too, who was waiting for us in the Blossom Grove. Months ago, those words would have broken me. Now? They were perfection.
“Let’s get you home,” Mama said, and Daddy went and collected my luggage. I smiled as the Georgian sun kissed my face, the warm breeze wrapping around us as it whispered, “Welcome home.”
Home. There was nothing quite like it.
In the car, Ida regaled me with every bit of her life since I’d been gone. As we entered the house, a million memories swirled around me. If I closed my eyes, I could almost hear the echo of three young girls laughing, chasing one another up the stairs. It was heavenly. My heart swelled when I realized I could walk in this home and feel comforted by the memories of Poppy here and not be paralyzed. It was once again my sanctuary, not my prison.
I showered and got changed out of my travel clothes, all the time wondering how Cael was doing at the retreat. I ached for what I knew he would go through, but I begged the universe to help him through. To make him stronger on the other side.
I left my room and went to make my way into the living room. Mama was cooking dinner, the smells filling the house. But as I passed Poppy’s room, rather than walk on by, like I’d done so many times before, I opened the door. It was unchanged. I went to the window and looked outside. I knew this was where she had written in her notebook to me. I ran my hand over the seat and whispered, “Thank you.”
As I opened my eyes, I laughed. When I looked through the window, Alton Kristiansen was sitting in the window seat of Rune’s old room.
I waved, and he waved back looking like a mini-Rune, and for a moment, I almost felt like a young Poppy, looking out at the boy she adored. I ran my hand over her desk, her bed, and whispered, “Love you, Poppy.”
I shut the door behind me. Ida was waiting in the hallway. “You okay?” she asked carefully.
“I am,” I said, proud to say I was. There would always be a part of me that was sad because of losing Poppy. But that was loss. That was grief. We were always a little bit scarred. But we could move on. At whatever pace we needed.
“So, now you’re back and we have all the time in the world, tell me every detail about Cael,” Ida said. I had told her all about him when we had talked on the phone and through text. It had felt good, speaking to a sister like that again.
“He left early,” I said, and Mama and Daddy listened in too. We sat at the kitchen table. “He needed to return to the States for more help.”
“You had to pick the boy with the tattoos, didn’t you?” my daddy said, bringing a smirk to my face. Ida laughed loudly at his description of the boy who held my heart in his palms.
“He’s not just a boy with tattoos,
Daddy,” Ida said. “He’s the love of her life!” My face burned under my parents’ attention. They knew Cael and I were together. But only Ida knew just how much I loved him.
Daddy huffed, then said, “Is that true, baby? You love this boy?”
I sobered, thinking about Cael. How I wanted nothing more than to protect him from hurt and to live in his arms. “He’s …” I trailed off, trying to explain. Then, with a knowing smile, I said, “He’s my Rune.”
My daddy’s stern face fell into softness. My mama reached out and held my hand.
“That’s so romantic,” Ida said wistfully. “I want my own Rune too.” Daddy glared at Ida, which brought a burst of laughter to my mouth.
“Why does he need more help?” my daddy asked. So I told them. I told them why Cael was there. I’d kept most of his story private out of respect for him. But they would meet him someday, I was sure. They would be a support to him too. To be that, they needed to know everything.
“Bless that boy,” Mama whispered, sadness in her voice. Daddy reached across and held my hand. Silently supportive.
“He’s strong and he’s so brave. So kind and patient and loves me more than life,” I said.
Ida laid her head on my shoulder. “He just needs more time.”
I nodded. “He’s hurting, but I know he’ll get through it.”
My family ate together, and we laughed. When the meal was done, I walked into the blossom grove and gasped. Each year was the same, yet each year made a brand-new tapestry out of the small, secluded grove. Petals of white and pink were in full bloom. And beneath them all was a white marble headstone, shining just as brightly. As I reached Poppy’s grave, I smiled, seeing the picture of me and Rune in Kyoto taped to the bottom.
I sat down, allowing the warm breeze to dance around my hair. I sighed, then with unwavering doubt, said, “Poppy … I’m going to Harvard.”
Healing
Cael
Massachusetts
End of summer
WEEKS UPON ENDLESS WEEKS HAD LED ME TO THIS. I
WAS FINALLY HOME. I placed my hand on Cillian’s bedroom door. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. All of the therapies, all of the daylong sessions with Leo, Mia, and the many psychologists that had guided me through my healing … it had led me here. The unwavering support and weekly visits from my mom and dad, the single hour I got to speak with Savannah for each week drove me to this new place of peace.
I was stronger, now. I breathed easier. I stood straighter. I wasn’t angry, and most of all, I understood. I understood Cillian in a way that I never had before. I understood his crippling depression. I understood why he couldn’t speak to me. It was difficult, but I understood.
He was my big brother. And I missed him. Would always miss him. But I had to move on too.
I took in a deep inhale, and with my hand on the handle, I turned it and entered his room. The sun shone in through the south-facing window. His bed was made; every inch of his furniture was clean. My mom kept it nice. I breathed in the room’s air and could still feel him in here. He had been so vibrant and alive when he was here. It was like he’d left his imprint on this room.
On all of us who loved him most.
His bedroom walls were a shrine to hockey. I ran my fingers over his signed Bruins jersey, framed and protected by glass. Then I came to a stop at his Harvard jersey. The one he’d received on his first start in freshman year. I’d been at that game. I remember smiling so wide my cheeks ached.
Then I stilled when I saw the wall full of pictures of me and him. Months ago, this would have gutted me. I was still sad, seeing these pictures. Of us both happy, the promise of an amazing future in our wide smiles. But the thing that had captured my attention most was the old and age-frayed Bruins ticket that was pinned to his cork board.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.