Rage melts away my sadness. All the Loves, Angels, and Doves were as bullshit as the counting and dirty sluts. I feel my pussy clench at the memory of August and Karl taking my virginity or Rowan pushing me to my knees.
So many firsts with them.
I groan, questioning every moment and interaction over and over again. I freaking hate being this conflicted.
Was it real? Was it not real?
I want to pick up my phone and get answers so badly, but how much clearer could they have been? The declaration solidified with a ring. I was not theirs. I was only good enough to be a toy. For the first time in my life, the sting of betrayal surfaces every insecurity that even my mother’s lies couldn’t garner.
The will to give up is calling me. I can almost see it off in the distance. Like a mirage, it uses my greatest fantasies to compel me to succumb to the peace by quitting.
A hand clasps my shoulder, forcing my eyes to snap open and suck in a lung full of air before meeting the warm gaze of my grandmother’s knowing stare. “Breathe. It won’t stop the pain, but it will remind you that you survived and are still here to fight.”
“What if I’m tired of fighting?” I challenge because I am that. Tired.
Tired of being strong, tired of being the adult, tired of the bullshit, tired of hurting, and most of all, tired of being deceived by the people who are supposed to love me. I’m just fucking tired of it all.
“Then you rest, gathering your strength, until you’re ready again. Because while we can be here to fight alongside you, this battle is yours to lead, my dear.” With that, she squeezes my shoulder again before corralling the twins and heading up the stairs of a mansion that rivals the Calloway Estate. The ranch-style estate sits on what feels like endless acres of land on the Colorado mountainside.
“This is where Thomas’s associate organized for us to live in the few hours we were on the plane?” I ask.
“Oh no, Sweetheart. This is the Bradford Estate. Thomas had to say that just in case someone was listening,” my grandmother explains.
A summer breeze blows my hair from my face, and I lift my chin to the sky as it envelops me.
Today, I’ll give into despair, allowing myself time to mourn, but tomorrow. . . tomorrow, I’ll begin to gather my strength. For now, I’ll do what my grandmother instructed.
Breathe.
EMMA
The pounding in my skull is a reminder never to cry this much ever a-freaking-gain. Thank fuck for the blackout curtains in my room because, otherwise, the ache when I try to open my eyes would probably be unbearable.
Groaning, I rise from the bed and head for my en-suite bathroom, careful not to bump into or trip over anything. The expansive room has a different setup than the one back in Calloway, and I can’t remember where the couch and desk are.
I make it to the sink unscathed but don’t dare to turn on any lights. The longer I can avoid any brightness, the happier my aching head will be. I grab my toothbrush and start trying to revive myself before going downstairs. I’m supposed to officially meet some members of the Bradford family today.
Once finished in the bathroom, I throw on shorts and a band tee before shuffling my way down the steps. As my feet hit the landing, I overhear hushed voices in a heated argument.
“Aaron, this is getting out of hand. The goddamn Novus Ordo Seclorum paid a personal visit to the Fraternitas,” an unknown male voice states.
The Novus Ordo who now?
Trying to hear more, I inch closer, hoping they’ll divulge anything that explains more.
“We weren’t expecting Elise to fuck this up so badly. We thought we had a handle on her before things went to shit,” my father grits, his exasperation with this situation evident by the bite in his tone.
At the mention of Elise, my stomach roils at the memory of her vile confessions before I sliced her throat. I wonder if that’s why the guys strung me along. Revenge would be high on my list if it were me.
“You’ve all played it fast and loose. That’s why Karl was??”
Karl was what?
The words of the mystery man are drowned out by Jamie flying down the stairs away from the giggling twins chasing her. Their timing couldn’t have been worse.
“Be careful,” I instruct as they pass me by, still shrieking and announcing to the world people are close by.
“We will,” one of the twins shouts back, never stopping their pursuit of our sister.
Once they’ve disappeared down the hallway, I hear footsteps approach and turn in time to see my dad and a man who is his mirror image but older. He’s about half an inch shorter than Dad, but they have the same athletic build, tall and lean. However, where my dad still has some strawberry blond mixed in with his now salted gray hair, this man has a full head of white hair and a matching beard. His silver eyes widen in shock before warmth sets in, but he stays rooted a few steps behind my dad.
“How are you feeling, Ry?” Dad asks.
“As best as one can be after they found out they were being used in a stupid game they didn’t want any part of but were foolish enough to allow themselves to be vulnerable, like an idiot, and get hurt,” I mutter.
Dad pulls me into a hug. “I’m sorry, Ry. This will all be over soon, I promise,” he offers as he releases me.
“It is over for me. Whatever’s going on is no longer my concern. I met my part of the contract,” I retort.
My father grimaces.
“What?” I question.
Isn’t this over?
They made their choice, and it wasn’t me. No, I was only strung along for long enough to lower my guard so they could rip my heart out and stomp all over it.
Dad clears his throat, pulling me from the looming downward spiral. My attention refocuses in time to see that the man who was standing in the background is now right next to my dad.
“Emma,” the man’s tenor voice whispers as if he’s in disbelief that I’m standing before him.
I give an awkward wave. “That’s me.”
“It is you.” He smiles. The crinkle at the corners of his eyes and laugh lines around his mouth make me slightly more at ease. However, an easy smile isn’t enough to prove anything.
I clench my teeth to ward off the images flitting through my mind. Hundreds of easy smiles each of my. . . the guys gave me, and they all meant nothing.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.