“Oh my god! That’s so awesome!” she said.
“And they somehow got Sophie to drop the charges,” I told her. “I think they threatened her or something, but I was grateful for it. I wanted to thank them before I left, but I was running late to the airport. I planned to stop there on the way home.”
I thought about how I had promised myself that I would go thank Jinx for what he did for me the day my parents died too. But now he’s here. Do I still thank him? Should I wait until after Christmas is over at least? He probably doesn’t want to see me again either, right?
“What a fu.cking douche though,” Emma said. “Theo sounds like a weak-a.ss man, and Sophie! Oh my god! So not a girls’ girl.”
I snorted at that.
“No, she’s not,” I agreed. “Ya know, I should thank you,” I said with a smile on my face. “I’ve never made such a fast friend before, and I wasn’t even sure if I could ever trust another girl again. enough to call her a friend.”
Emma gave me a bright, understanding smile.
“I’m glad that I was able to give you some hope, and I’m so glad we became friends,” she replied.
Emma and I continued to talk about the MC and Jinx and Waylen. The more questions she asked, the more I realized that I knew them better than I thought. Which felt strange to me. How could I know so much about two people and not even realize it?
A short time later, Dale was knocking on the cabin door. Emma and I were pretty drunk. There was a heat in Dale’s eyes when his giggly wife dropped herself in his arms. Honestly, it was adorable to see. Dale didn’t even look at me as he practically carried his wife to his truck. His eyes were solely focused on her. The love they had for each other was palpable. A tiny part of me was envious.
Not in a way that made me bitter, or made me miss Theo. Mostly because I could never bring myself to feel negative over happiness like that, and because I never had that with Theo. I thought I did. I thought we were in love, but… not like that. Even if he did love me at some point, it wasn’t in that soul-consuming way. I was trying to force what my parents had, hoping that I could convince myself it was real.
Sophie really did do me a favor by taking Theo. I won’t have to spend the rest of my life disappointed. And I don’t have to spend the rest of my life being Sophie’s shadow. She gave me the opportunity to have more.
I wasn’t sure if I’d ever find Mr. Right or if he was even out there. I might not be lucky like my parents. Deb wasn’t. Not yet anyway. I just don’t want to get my hopes up and get crushed. Again.
Shaking the negativity from my mind, I tried to think of more positive things as I walked to the bedroom. I might find my person. I still have plenty of life left to live. I could have a love like Emma and Dale, like my mom and dad. Even if I don’t, I have Garden Sip, my baby. Plus, I have a good life back home.
I tried to keep the positivity flowing as I changed for bed. I walked past the window and paused. I peeked through the curtain at the back of that large cabin. It was late now. All the lights were off except for a couple downstairs. I couldn’t see anything though, no shadows, no blue-green eyes watching me. I was guessing that Jinx didn’t tell Waylen, otherwise the kid would have made an appearance at some point.
I looked at all the snowmen again. My heart ached at the daddy and son snowmen. At least they have other family. At least Waylen will never be alone. He has his dad, his grandparents, his aunt, his uncle, his cousins, and an entire MC full of family. It might be untraditional, but it’s his. And if something ever happened, and he lost it all, he’d still have me. I’d never abandon that kid, or any kid for that matter.
A sad smile touched my lips. I didn’t want to be bitter or sad. I wanted to be positive, but in my drunken haze I was struggling. I went from giggling with Emma, to happy thoughts, then negative thoughts, then back to positive things. Now I have tears filling my eyes as I look at the family of snowmen.
Because, for some irrational reason, I’m feeling even more alone than before. Because even though he has no reason to… Jinx didn’t come check on me. He didn’t tell Waylen about me. Probably didn’t tell his family either. He didn’t ask if I was here all alone. And for some reason, that hurt. I felt invisible. Just like I always did to everyone. This time it felt colder and lonelier though.
I shut the curtain and got into bed. I didn’t cry, refused to let myself. It was stupid for me to feel the way that I was. Jinx didn’t owe me anything and I didn’t expect anything from him. I was just drunk and emotional. Tomorrow was going to be a new day, and I was determined to make it a good one.
Even if I spent it completely alone.
Jinx’s P.O.V.
I practically ran all the way the fu.ck back to my cabin. I paused for a moment when I caught sight of that little cabin again. I’d bet my fu.cking left nut that she’s staying in that little thing. Of course, she would be. That would be just our fu.cking luck.
I barreled into the cabin door and marched to the kitchen where all the adults were as the kids played in the living room.
“Oh, you’re back-” Mom started to say as I practically threw the towels at Birdie.
Then I immediately turned around to… to… to go somewhere. Anywhere. Nowhere? Should I leave? Maybe I should go home and let Waylen stay here…
“Uh, Jinx, you okay?” Dad asked, and I realized that I was stopped in the doorway of the kitchen leading to the hallway.
“No, I’m fu.cking not,” I said as I turned around and started pacing the kitchen.
My mind was a mess. I kept picturing the look on Deidra’s face when she saw me. The anger, the annoyance, the small flicker of worry. Mom and Birdie’s words about the universe were playing on repeat in my head. I couldn’t help but wonder if the universe was just messing with me. Maybe it gets a kick out of the things that happen when I get too close to Deidra Hartman.
“Did something happen at the office?” Adam asked.
“You didn’t screw the girl that works here, did you?” Birdie groaned. “She’s married, you know.”
I shook my head, not stopping my pacing. I couldn’t. I had to keep moving.
“Thorn was there,” I blurted.
And I was met with silence. I was sure they were all as shocked as I was. I didn’t bother looking up to confirm it from their faces either.
“Sorry… you mean… Deidra?” Birdie asked. “Deidra Hartman? Is here?”
“Yes,” I replied. “I have no idea what she’s doing here.”
“Wow… what are the odds of that?” Adam mumbled.
“I mean, I kind of only knew about this place because of her mom…” Birdie said awkwardly.
I stopped in my tracks, my eyes snapping up to catch my sister’s.
“What the hell do you mean?” I practically spat, making Birdie roll her eyes at me.
“Remember my senior year when I had that bad fall during cheerleading practice and had to go to the ER?” she asked. “It was a couple of years before they passed, but it was right after Christmas and New Year. She was showing me all the pictures from their vacation here. She told me how magical this town is during this time of year. That was why I picked here when we talked about taking a Christmas trip somewhere.”
I blinked at her, trying to process her words.
“I didn’t think she’d be here though,” Birdie rushed out. “I mean… I always see her around town during the holidays, so I assumed she had stopped coming here after her parents passed away.”
That was true. Deidra was always around during the holidays after her parents died. I’d never noticed it before. Which means… this was her first year here without her parents.
Is Deb with her? Is she all alone? Please, for the love of fu.ck, tell me she isn’t spending the holiday alone in the place that her dead parents used to take her right after she caught her fiance fu.cking her best friend…
I had a strong urge to go find Deidra and talk to her, but… the memory of that scowl on her face stopped me. She didn’t want me here, wasn’t happy to see me. It wasn’t even shock on her face. It was more like… like I was some curse she knew she couldn’t escape from.
And a fu.cking sick, twisted part of me likes that. A jolt of excitement shot through me just over the thought. Like a fu.cking psychopath.
“Wait, so she’s alone?” Adam asked.
“I mean, she has a guardian still, right?” Birdie asked. “What was her name again? Diana?”
“Deb,” I corrected her. “Her name’s Deb.”
“Yeah, her, my sister nodded. “Deidra still has her.”
“I don’t know if she’s here though,” I said.
“You didn’t see her with Deidra?” Birdie asked.
I shook my head.
“Nah, she was in the office, helping out, I guess. She gave me the towels,” I told her.
“And you guys didn’t exchange words? There was no shock over running into each other?” Birdie asked expectantly.
My mouth opened, but nothing came out. Heat rushed to my cheeks as I recalled how much of a fu.cking pussy I was. Deidra is never going to let me live it down. She’s going to tell the whole club how she made a big, bad biker run away like a pansy-a.ss.
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