“You don’t have to worry about giving me an answer right now,” I told him noticing the look of confusion that was still on his face. “Tell me when you’re ready or if you feel like school is too much. We can work something out,” I told him.
The expression in his eyes then changed to one I couldn’t read. He then broke eye contact with me and looked at his bedsheets instead.
He didn’t want to talk about the situation so I wouldn’t force him if it made him uncomfortable. I just wanted him to know that I was there for him if he needed help.
“So, mum you’re never going to go see dad again?” he asked me
“No, not never see him. It’s just daddy’s a busy person, you see,” I tried to explain to him.
“He’s busy with that other Diana lady and Marco, right?” he then asked me.
My eyes widened in surprise. It’s not that I didn’t expected Anthony to know about the situation we were in, he was there when we used to live with Keith and saw Diana and her son move in and how we were cast aside. It’s just, I’m realizing I’ve never straightforwardly spoken about the situation with him especially when he was around this age. Even as he got older
I should have realized that just because he’s a child doesn’t mean he oblivious or doesn’t understand. I mean to my knowledge his bullying at school started recently following the Diana situation.
“Is there something someone told you at school about Das?” I asked him wondering why he suddenly brought up Keith. Perhaps the bullies had said something to him today.
“They said dad doesn’t love me and you are anymore because you’re crazy and that’s why we were kicked out of the house,” he told me. “So, I told them that you’re not crazy and started a fight with them. Then they told me I was crazy just like you.”
I winced feeling stung on his behalf. The stories of my jealousy of Diana causing me to attack and insult her had spread around. I had Diana to thank for my current reputation. I just felt awful that it was also affecting Tony.
Looking at Tony I realized there was no point trying to sugarcoat the situation. It’s better if hr got used to the situation before and came to accept it. Keith was no longer going to be a part of his life. Since things were only going to get worse. In a year he would ask me for a divorce. He would then marry Diana and make her son his heir.
“Look Tony things are difficult with your father right now, we probably won’t see him for a while. However, I promise I’m here for you no matter what, okay?” I said to him.
He met my eyes full of emotion, and he nodded his head in understanding.
“Good,” I said to him.
“And also try not to get into any more fights. People are going to say all kinds of horrible things to you. Try not to get upset.
“How can I when they are saying horrible not true things about you?” he asked me angrily.
Keith even if you hate me, Tony is completely blameless so, for you completely discard him is disgusting. I thought to myself. I told Tony the truth the of the situation, but it was wrong that he had to accept the situation. He had done no wrong. He didn’t ask to be born. No child should be told to accept that their parent doesn’t want them.
What’s funny is Keith took Diana and her son in because he felt guilty for abandoning them. Now in turn he was abandoning his other family to make space for them. Just ridiculous.
“How can I when they are saying horrible not true things about you?” he asked me angrily.
It touched me to see how much Tony cared for me.
Keith even if you hate me, Tony is completely blameless so, for you to completely discard him is disgusting. I thought to myself. I told Tony the truth the of the situation, but it was wrong that he had to accept the situation. He had done no wrong. He didn’t ask to be born. No child should be told to accept that their parent doesn’t want them.
What’s funny is Keith took Diana and her son in because he felt guilty for abandoning them. Now in turn he was abandoning his other family to make space for them. Just ridiculous.
“Do you still want to go to school tomorrow?” I asked him. After getting into a fight I thought perhaps he needed a break since he wasn’t doing well.
“No, I’m fine mum. I can go,” he told me. I looked at his face for a moment studying his eyes.
“Alright then,” I accepted his answer.
After putting Anthony to bed I left his room, did one final check or house doors before going to my room.
I went to bed that night conflicted. I didn’t know what to do about Anthony. My heart was telling me to get him out of that school. He was being bullied ruthlessly and his he was feeling down. I was so worried for his mental health. Considering my past life it seemed like he was able to get through the bullying, but he suffered a lot. I imagine he was in so much pain for so long and I wasn’t there for him. At a new school he wouldn’t have to worry about all that.
At the same time my heart was telling me that my mind was telling me he should stay. That school was the best in the country. It had state of the art resources and graduates would receive tonnes of offers to excellent universities. In my past life I would have loved to see which university he went to since he only had one year of high school before graduating at 17. However, that wasn’t worth his mental health deteriorating.
Nonetheless, it was Tony’s call to make. As much as I so worried for him I didn’t want to only do what I thought was best for him given how that panned out in my past life. I wanted to hear him out as well.
As I approached my bed I opened one of the drawers to get something out and noticed an interesting book. I picked it up and found out it was my diary. I In my past life I used to write in it a lot.
Upon opening it, I found entry after entry of me devising plans to speak with Keith. It seemed so obsessive as I read through it. And in my past, it would only get worse as the years passed. I physically cringed as I looked at the book. I should have been more worried about Tony than Keith. i threw in the bin once I was done. Didn’t that anymore.
********
The following morning Anthony and I wake up early to prepare him for school. I was hoping he would give me his answer as he ate breakfast, but he didn’t. He probably wasn’t ready yet and was still contemplating. I wouldn’t rush him.
After we were done preparing, I then rushed to take him to school. Even though I wasn’t doing anything that day I had dress up to take Tony to school. I couldn’t dress casually at such a classy prestigious school where all parents dressed well. Once he was dropped off I returned home and cleaned up a little. With no job yet I could only lounge around. Had it been the me in my past life after dropping off Tony at school I would have went straight to Keiths and then left when it was time to pick him up. That is if Keith’s security hadn’t kicked me out before then. So, I sat by the couch and turned on the tv.
It was around noon when I received a call from one of the restaurants I’d applied to work. They told me they had an opening right away and I could start the next day. The pay was reasonable around two thousand a month. Which was better than Diana’s 0ne thousand. My working hours would be from 9:30am to pm so I could take and pick up Tony from school. I agreed and said I would come the following day. As soon as the call ended, I began to jump up and with joy. I couldn’t believe I’d found a job so quickly! I received two more calls from two other restaurants later on that also gave me an offer but the wasn’t as high as the first restaurant so I declined their offers.
Later that day I went to pick Tony up from school. I had been worried about Tony all day after I’d seen his bruise yesterday. When he came to me as I waited for him outside the school building, His mood seemed normal. He didn’t seem as upset as he was the day before. So I’m hoping the day went better.
We got home and did our usual nighttime routine. He did his homework and prepared his things for the next school day meanwhile I prepared dinner. Thankfully he was talking to me It’s when I took him to bed that he finally gave me an answer about what I’d asked him the day before.
“Mum, I don’t want to change schools right now,” he told me in a calm tone. “I’ll be fine”
As I made eye contact with him, my eyes welled up with emotion. That wasn’t the answer I was expecting.
“Are you sure?” I asked him. If the physical and verbal bullying was too much for him I didn’t want to suffer for no reason.
“I’m a big boy now, i can handle myself,” he told me.
“Are you sure?” I asked him. If the physical and verbal bullying was too much for him I didn’t want to suffer for no reason.
“I’m a big boy, I can handle this,” he told me.
It’s not about being a big boy though I thought to myself. It’s not like he was weak for wanting There was no fear in his eyes he really seemed serious.
“Anthony,” I started by saying his full name.
“I can handle it, mum…” he interrupted me, however. “I can handle it because I have you now,” he told me.
My eyes widened in surprise.
“It’s been a few days mum, but you seem different, you smile more, and you spend more time with me. I’ve been so happy. Even though dad’s not here and everyone treats us differently when I’m with you I forget about all that,” he told me.
Tears filled my eyes and began to stream down my cheeks. I pulled him in for a hug. Alright you win Tony. I thought to myself. The words he said to me the day I died came to mind. “If you’d been there for me, I could have handled it.”
He had meant what he said.
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