Mad that I wasn’t being pinned down and f****d from both ends like a desperate Omega in heat. Mad that my best friend had let go and I hadn’t. Mad that her cunt was full and dripping and overstretched and mine was just wet. Aching. Empty.
I hated her for it.
And I hated myself more.
Because even as I stood there screaming inside, my thighs were clenching again. My n*****s were stiff under my dress. My p***y was leaking. My clit was pounding like it knew how close I was to falling apart.
I wanted to throw something.
I wanted to grab her by the hair and shake her and scream in her face and cry.
But mostly…
Mostly I wanted someone to push me to my knees, shove my face into that mattress, and show me why she gave in.
Show me what she knew now.
Show me what it meant to be used like that.
Broken like that.
Owned like that.
I lifted my hand.
Stared right into her ruined, dazed, c**k-drunk face.
And raised my middle finger.
Desire In The Dark
I pushed past the door and stepped into the hallway.
The party was still going. Loud. Drunken. Horny.
I could barely see through the haze of lights and sweat and bodies moving. Music pounded through the walls. Someone screamed from upstairs.
I didn’t stop.
I didn’t look back.
I walked fast, clutching the hem of my dress like it could hold me together. My panties were ruined. Clinging to me like glue. I could feel the mess I’d made of myself every time I moved. Wet. Hot. Raw.
A hand reached out.
Tried to grab my waist.
“Hey baby, where you goin-“
“Don’t you f*****g touch me,”
I snapped.
The guy jerked his hand back like I’d burned him.
Good.
Because I was f*****g burning.
I shoved past him, past a couple grinding against the wall, past two girls licking something off each other’s chests, past a guy on his knees while someone sat on his face.
Every image slammed into me like a fist to the gut.
My heart was pounding. My throat was tight. My eyes were stinging. I didn’t even know if I was about to cry or scream or come again just from the pressure building inside me.
I needed out.
I needed f*****g air.
I shoved the front door open and stumbled outside.
The second the cold air hit my face, I swear my heart cracked right down the middle.
I didn’t even wait to catch my breath. I just ran. Barefoot. Wet. f*****g shaking. I didn’t care who saw me. I didn’t care what I looked like. I didn’t care if mascara was dripping down my cheeks like a horror movie. I just needed out.
Away from her.
Away from them.
Away from all the moaning and slapping and the sound of Tasha’s f*****g laugh.
God.
Desire In The Dark
That laugh.
It kept echoing in my head like some broken record, stuck on the moment she looked at me like I was s*x depraved.
I kept walking. Stumbling. Tripping on the grass as the first drop of rain landed on my shoulder.
Then another.
Then more.
Of course it had to rain. Like some dramatic music video s**t. Like the universe knew I needed something to match the disaster happening in my chest.
I didn’t even try to run from it. I just kept going until I saw the tree.
I dropped to my knees right there. My dress stuck to my skin like a second layer of embarrassment. My hair clung to my cheeks. My hands were shaking and I didn’t even try to wipe the tears off my face because I couldn’t tell if they were tears or rain or f*****g both.
I was shaking.
Not from cold.
Not even from shame anymore.
I was shaking because my cunt was still wet. Still aching. Still clenching like it didn’t care about any of the heartbreak in my head.
Like it didn’t care that I was humiliated and furious and broken. It just wanted. It f*****g wanted. And I didn’t know how to make it stop.
God what is wrong with me.
Why the f**k am I like this.
Why didn’t I leave sooner. Why didn’t I grab her arm and drag her out of that room like a real friend.
Why didn’t I slap her or scream or cry or do something that would’ve made her stop and look at me and remember that I’m not just some f*****g extra in the background of her s*x scene.
I dug my nails into the bark behind me, pressing my back to the tree, trying to breathe, trying to think, trying not to sob loud enough for the whole party to hear me.
She was right.
That was the worst part.
She was f*****g right.
I was mad because it wasn’t me.
I was mad because no one touched me like that. No one ever looked at me like I was something worth f*****g. Worth ruining. Worth breaking. I was just the quiet one,
The virgin. The weirdo who still hadn’t even kissed anyone properly. The girl who sat in the corner pretending to scroll through her phone because no guy ever picked her.
And now look at me.
Take th The Bus
Sitting in the rain with sosked panties and trambling thighs and a dit en seen it hurt
All because I watched my best friend get used the a tray and liked it.
What the actual f**k
My head dropped back against the tree and I let out this sound Not a cry Not a scream. Just this patheti little moan of frustration Like my whole body was tired of holding it in
I wanted to touch myself so bad it felt like my fingers were going to more on their own. My hand twitched y thighs squeezed together like they were trying to start a firs I felt so gross. So desperate so pesky hortly
And I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Damon
God
I whimpered out loud just thinking of him.
My thighs trembled and I pressed them together tighter, rocking just once, just enough to feel the pressure on my clit through the wet fabric. I didn’t even mean to. It just happened
And it felt so f*****g good.
I curled forward.
Buried my face in my knees.
My breath was loud. My body was hot. My fingers twitched again.
I knew I shouldn’t. I knew someone could come outside any second. I knew I was sitting in someone’s backyard under a tree like some unhinged nympho freak. But none of it mattered.
Because I needed release.
I needed to stop feeling like I was going to explode.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.