“Did my mother show you these books? It sounds like something she would do.”
“No, I’ve never been introduced to her. I spend a lot of time in here, alone,” I wave a finger around the office, “I figured no one would mind if I put everything back the way I found it. The days are long and sometimes the nights are worse.” I slump on the couch. After that confession it’s like my energy cord has been cut. Everything drained out of me all of a sudden.
“Greta said you have dinner with my mother a couple times a week.” I take a deep breath in and just stare at him, his confusion is real. He’s still glued to the spot in the middle of the office, arms hanging by his side. He’s just as lost.
The only person, not a packhouse omega, I do anything with regularly is…f*ck, really? I sigh and look up at him slowly, my annoyance increasing.
I take a deep breath in and can’t help the huff of a laugh that escapes me. “That tracks. Your mother wouldn’t happen to be named Sarah, would she?”
“Uh, yeah.” His confirmation is wary, on the defensive. At least he’s caught on that I am angry.
“The one person who has been able to talk to me has also been lying to me. Or I guess leaving information out. Figures. Now I know why she can talk to me when no one else can. You can’t command her.” I roll my eyes.
“My mom is a meddler for sure, but I’m sure her heart was in the right place.”
“She’s able to ignore your stupid alpha command for people to stay away from me. But she never told me who she was. I’m done being lied to, Ryker.” I let my head flop back. “Why are you here, now? You have been avoiding me since you told me we are mates. I have given up trying to do anything to get your attention and just talk. I am ready for you to let me go and find whatever you think is better. Just get on with it.” I wave my hand flippantly.
He whispers so low I almost miss it. “I don’t want anyone else. I don’t want you to go anywhere.”
I raise? my shirt again, not looking up at him. “Well, I have some pretty solid evidence that is complete bullsh*t.”
“Tell me, in all those books you read, did you find anything that says how to make a human a pack member without hurting them? Or how to claim them, mark them without killing them? Because I haven’t been able to find a thing and I can’t risk it…risk you.”
I finally look up at him. “What?”
“You are human, Kennedy. Fragile. I don’t know what making you a pack member will do to you. I don’t know what marking you will do to you and no one has answers for me. The more time I spend with you, the closer I am to you the more attached my wolf gets. He is affected by you, if something happens to you it could fatally wound him. I can’t risk him being distracted or having his priorities all over the place. The pack needs him, needs me, at?full capacity. You have already been attacked twice since you’ve been here. I don’t know the best way to keep you safe. Making you a pack member might hurt or kill you, which hurts everyone. Marking you might kill you, which hurts everyone. I have tried to distract myself. It’s not a good excuse, but it’s all I’ve got. Staying away from? you has hurt everyone, not just us. But my wolf won’t let me stay away, my team won’t let me stay away. Not anymore. We need you.” He sits in a chair across from me. “I honestly thought Bennet was exaggerating when he came to me last night.”
I wait for more, but apparently that was a whole thought. “What are you talking about?”
“He came to see me and he has never looked that angry at me before. The look on his face was something I have only ever seen in battle.” He rubs his face and looks right in my eyes. “I didn’t even get out a ‘hello’ when he decked me, twice. Right in the same spot you hit me, actually.” He laughs at himself, rubbing the top of his cheek with his thumb. “He said you were covered in bruises and he would punch me in the d*ck until I had the same visual pain that you did if he saw any new ones. Just so you know, he broke my nose and I would have two black eyes if I wasn’t able to heal the way I do. Your gamma is fond of you and did you justice. Something I would expect from him towards anyone who disrespected you.”
I let a small chuckle out. At least I know he does have my best interests at heart, even if he can’t talk to me. “So what now? Where does this leave us? You won’t let me reject you. You won’t reject me. You won’t make me pack. You won’t mark me as your mate or luna. You don’t want me to train, but hate that I am too weak to protect myself. You don’t want me to leave the safety of the packhouse, but I am bored out of my mind and school isn’t distracting enough for me. You don’t want to teach me about your pack, but don’t like that I’m learning things from your mother’s books. If I am a luna, I should be doing something to help make this pack better, but you don’t want my help either.”
“You don’t need a mark to show that you are a Luna. The pack can tell who you are to me and to them.”
“You said your wolf won’t let you stay away. What does that mean exactly?” I’m ignoring the luna comment since he basically ignored mine.
“I guess, like Josh said, we will start to introduce you to all of the projects that we have going on. If that is what you want. I would like for you to sit with me at meals, if that is alright. Bennet has made it difficult to get to know you through him. He seems to think I need to put some effort in.” He gives me that half smile that makes butterflies flip around in my stomach. Shut up mate bond… I’m still pissed.
I can’t help but smile at the thought of Bennet being difficult though. “He’s a great gamma. I need to work on his patrol scheduling though. It’s predictable. I manage to avoid my babysitters pretty frequently.” I smile at the game I made for myself. Just another way to practice tracking and masking. The look on Ryker’s face is just icing on the cake.
“What do you mean ‘avoid them?’ If you are in the packhouse, how do you avoid them?”
I just shrug my shoulders. I will let him suffer and feel the irritation of me coming and going as I please in the only place I’m allowed to roam around. “What else can I do?” I’m pushing this thing as far as I can.
“Ideally you would travel with me, but I don’t know if I can handle that yet. Some close, short trips maybe, but I would lose my mind if you were attacked en route again.”
I just nod. What else am I supposed to do? It sounds like I might be getting some freedom, even if it’s not the way I planned. I’m not going to say anything that might change his mind. He seems to be reasonable right now.
“Can I help?” He points to my stomach, but my confusion must show. “I can help with the bruises and the pain.”
I look down, not realizing I was rubbing at one of the more intense bruises.
“Uh sure, I guess.” I slide to one side of the couch as he moves over, slowly. He must really think I’m skittish the way he moves around me.
“Umm…I need to…umm…touch your skin.” He’s so nervous. This is not the intimidating alpha I know. I lift my shirt to expose the bruises and lean back on the couch. I can’t tell if his sharp gasp is good or bad. If I’m being honest, the lean was to make me look more appealing as much as it was to give him better access. I can’t seem to help myself when he’s around. I seem to always be looking for his approval.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.