“Oh, baby girl,” Adil reached out to ruffle her hair. “You loved him just fine. You simply have a decisive heart.”
“A what?” she looked at him through tear-stained eyes.
“A decisive heart. My granny always said she had a decisive heart. She would love you from the minute she met you with all of her heart and soul but the minute you betrayed her, she was done. She could shut that shit off like it was nobody’s business. Her best friend of thirty years made the mistake of drunkenly confessing how when they were in high school she made out with Gran’s boyfriend. They both regretted it and agreed to never speak about it. My grandmother hadn’t seen him since they graduated school and went to different colleges and yet, the betrayal pissed my gran off so bad she never spoke to her friend again. She said if she’d told her when it happened they might still be friends but probably not. Decisive heart.”
“You think it’s what I have?”
“I do.” Adil nodded seriously. “It’s why we know,” he smiled at his friends, “when you love us it will be forever unless we hurt you. We aren’t going to be so foolish as to squander such a gift. If you love us, we’re going to treasure it. Forever. No other women. No flirting. No emotional affairs. No physical affairs. It’s you, me, Phineas, and Beni until we die.”
“Can we die together?” she pouted.
Phineas laughed at the question, “I think exhaustion and hunger are making you silly. Dessert before dinner seemed like a clever idea but now we’re all hungry and emotional. Let’s get you out of the tub and go try your lasagna. We will talk more about all of this once we get some food in our bellies.”
“On one condition,” she twisted her fingers under the bubbles.
“What?” Phineas smiled at her humorously.
“Can we not get dressed? I mean you can wear your underwear, and I can wear my nightie Adil tried to tease me with last night? I don’t want to break this intimate feeling I’m resting in right now.”
“I think, this is a wonderful idea.” Beni said as he pulled the plug from the tub. “Nearly naked dinner coming up.”
Juniper wondered if in the history of woman if anything else ever sounded so delicious.
Sitting on Phineas’ lap while Beni and Adil sat on either side of them, Juniper felt more than a bit absurd.
A bottle of red wine corked, the lasagna steaming and still bubbling and warm after a quick reheat and a loaf of crusty bread and a salad, was all on display between them.
She looked back to where Phineas’ hands held her possessively across his knee.
“You want me to sit right here while we eat?” She looked at the set table, which the three men quickly put together while she d been told to sit and wait.
“Yes. I want you to sit here. I’m going to feed you dinner.”
“This is a kink for you?”
He frowned at her question, “yes though I admit I’ve never gone to this extreme where I want my partner on my lap while I feed them, but I want and need this.”
“You need this?” she asked quietly.
His cheeks took on dull red as both of his friends watched curiously. They’d talked about many things over the years but their sexual likes and dislikes on a deeply personal level and the why’s behind them was always skimmed over.
“I need the connection and to feel I’m taking care of my partner. Me taking care of you in every way, makes me feel strong and needed.”
Beni watched the exchange carefully and then offered a thought, “I wonder if,” he saw Phineas’ eyes swivel to his with a flicker of irritation knowing his friend was going to psychoanalyze him, “hear me out, this has to do with your father.”
“Jesus Christ,” Phineas muttered as he reached for the wine bottle and poured a glass. la
“Seriously,” Beni went on as he cut the lasagna and placed a big square in the center of Phineas’ plate for him and Juniper to share. He then served Adil and himself while talking, see, you were always a bossy, dominant fucker. You like to be the leader, and it was fine with me because I was happy to not need to make all the decisions. However, you got worse in terms of control,” he added salad to everyone’s plate, “when your father cheated, Phineas. Everyone was pissed off at him and you heard all their comments. Your grandfather, I still remember him loud and clear, yelling at your father how a real man takes care of his family, not fucks them over. I think, with my three psych classes I took in university,” he grinned at Juniper’s giggle, “your daddy issues make you crave being a better man, father, partner, than your father was.
He shrugged, “I don’t know.”
“You also are the kind of guy who expects love in exchange for service.” Adil said seriously as he cut into his food.
“What?” Phineas stared incredulously at Adil. “I do not.”
“Yes you do.” He nodded, “Look, Sandra is great. We love her to bits, and we will never talk bad about her.”
“That’s right you won’t,” Phineas warned his best friend.
“But growing up, you loved to things for her to get her to notice you.”
“What are you talking about?” Phineas seemed defensive.
Juniper felt the shift in his demeanor, and she let her hand tuck around his middle protectively and frowned, “why are you all picking on Phineas?”
“We’re not. We’re trying to figure out why he needs to hold our woman on his lap all the time. Hell, he slept so well last night from you laying on top of him, I was awake before him, and this never happens.” Beni countered. “I’m always last to wake up, no matter where we are. I like my sleep. He was crashed and content to be used as a mattress.”
“But to put this on him because of his parents.”
“Phin, his father, is a great guy for the most part but he spent so much time working or hanging with the boys, as in our fathers and Denise’s father, he rarely did things with his wife and son together. My mother set a hard and fast rule the four of us shared one meal a day together and one night a week was us only, me, Mom, Dad, and my sister Anya.” Beni explained. “She also insisted we both get one-on-one time with both her and my dad. She’s a psychologist and a good one. Phineas, your father spent time with you and your mother, but it was almost always in a crowd, when we were growing up.”
“This doesn’t explain Adil’s servitude comment.”
“Your mom was wrapped up in her own misery. The reason you hate sleeping alone and being alone is because you spent the bulk of your childhood alone in your parents big old house. You would pick your mom flowers from the garden every day to see her smile. You would get a kiss on the cheek when you brought her tea every morning to the breakfast room. She was constantly sending you on errands around the house. She would ask you to help her in the garden and you loved to do it because she praised how you were such a good helper to anyone who would ten,” Adil shrugged. “She came up with things to do and you would do them to get the reward of her affection and pride. Then your father would come in, order everyone around and you saw that as how you be a man. When he fucked up, you hardened a lot. Yet, when it came to your mother, you were doing anything you could to make sure she still loved you, even if she hated him.”
He frowned, “I took care of her because she was broken hearted and he hurt her. She was my mom, and someone needed to step up.”
“And she told everyone how good you were taking care of her. It made you feel like you were the man.”
“I was the man. He was no man to hurt his wife the way he did. I needed to take care of her.”
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.