“I just don’t know what to do,” I said again. “Waylen is just… bored here. There are no other kids to hang with. I’m not exactly nurturing like a mom would be.”
“Deidra Hartman’s nurturing?” Void blurted with a raised brow, looking genuine.
“Can we stop fu.cking bringing that woman into the conversation?” I snapped. “f***k! With the way y’all act, you’d think she was the one I knocked up.”
“Wish she was,” Mom muttered under her breath.
For f***k’s sake.
“Anyway!” I said loudly. “I think my kid just needs some peace and quiet. He needs to be around other kids his age that he actually likes. Why can’t one of you fu.ckers settle down already? Maybe find a chick who’s already a mom to a seven-year-old boy.”
Void snorted as Villain looked at me like I’d just suggested castration.
“Okay, I might have an idea,” Mom said, and we all looked at her. “Not a permanent fix, but maybe a band-aid for now. Your sister and Adam rented a huge cabin in Colorado for two weeks, over the holidays. They want to drive and are leaving on Saturday and arriving there on Monday morning. They got a cabin big enough for all of us. They wanted us all to go, but when I asked you before, you said no because Waylen was in trouble yet again. I was hoping to change your mind, but you’ve been so busy helping Feral with stuff that I hadn’t asked. Plus, Way just kept getting in trouble, but maybe this will be just what he needs.”
I looked over at Waylen at the table with Sara. They were decorating cookies still, oblivious to our conversation. I thought about everything that Waylen has been through this year. The kid hasn’t known normal a day in his life. Maybe this trip could be something normal for him. No club bunnies running around, no loud parties right next door, no women trying to get my patch through my son. Just family.
“Okay, fine,” I agreed and Mom squealed. “But I have to talk to Feral and War to make sure it’s okay first.”
“Yes, yes, go, go,” she said, waving me out of the room.
I gave Void and Villain a wide-eyed look before leaving the room. I walked through to the other side of the clubhouse where the bar is. That’s usually where everyone is hanging out. Since Waylen was born, rules have changed a little. He’s not allowed in this part of the clubhouse though, so mostly you’ll find the single men here and all the club bunnies. Which means Feral and War.
War is our president and Feral is our treasurer. I’ve been working my a.ss off over the years to become a lawyer just like Feral. I passed the bar exam last year and have been working for the club ever since. War still sends me out on runs here and there. But mostly I just help with any legal issues, and help Feral with the books. He goes through all of them monthly for every business the club owns.
When I walked into the bar, both men were at the bar along with Cutter, who’s our VP, Ice, and Tats. I walked over to the bar, slapping the top. TJ, one of the prospects, gave me a nod before sliding a beer to me. I sat on the stool beside Feral and took a swig.
“If this is about that trip with your family, take it,” War said before I could even open my mouth.
“Mom talked to you,” I muttered.
“Yeah she did,” Feral chimed in. “Woman can be bossy.”
I chuckled at that.
“Ya’ll sure you don’t need me?” I asked. “What about that sh.it with Honey and the cops?”
“All taken care of,” War replied. “Russo apologized profusely for his new officer’s mistake.”
“He owes us,” I grunted.
“Yeah, he does,” he said, turning a sly smile to me. I raised a brow in question. “Ran into your little plant girl while I was there.”
I rolled my eyes.
“For f***k’s sake, she ain’t mine,” I grumbled. “Wait, what was she doing at the police station? Someone rob her shop?”
“Nope, she was there because she got arrested,” he told me, and my eyes nearly bulged out of my head.
Sorry, Thorn got arrested???
“So you made him tell you why she was there?” I asked.
“Nah, Honey knew all the details, probably more than Russo,” he said. “Guess Deidra wasn’t in the talking mood. Honey said she was there for hours, just refusing to say sh.it. And… Honey told me everything.”
“Okay, so what the f***k happened?” I asked.
“Honey!” War called out, getting her attention. “Come tell Jinx about Deidra.”
Honey scurried over, clearly excited to spill everything.
“Oh, I love that girl,” she gushed as she grabbed my arm and giggled. Great, she’s drunk. “She’s hilarious and doesn’t give a flying f***k who she talks back to. And the fact that she wasn’t even sorry. Oh man, it was funny. Not that she should be sorry at all.”
“Sorry about what?” I asked.
“Caught her man and bestie fu.cking in her bed and chased them out with a shotgun like a total bada.ss.” She said, laughing loudly. “When you gonna put a cut on that girl, Jinx?”
I blinked, unable to even reply to that. Deidra is not my girl. I refuse to claim any woman. Especially after the sh.it Glory pulled. I could never trust anyone. But I’ve known Thorn pretty much my whole life, and she doesn’t want me for my patch. Or at all.
And f***k, I knew Sophie was sh.it! And that Theo guy! He should have just stayed away from her when I told him to.
None of that came out of my mouth though. Nothing did. Because despite the fact that I knew that nothing would ever come of it, all I could think was…
Deidra’s single?
Deidra’s P.O.V.
I woke up the next day feeling groggy and a bit confused. For a second, one blissful second, I’d completely forgotten yesterday. I was in my childhood bedroom, staring at the glow-in-the-dark star stickers on the ceiling. Then I wondered what the heck I was doing here, and it all came rushing back.
Sophie and Theo. In my bed. They’re getting married. At my wedding. At my venue.
I closed my eyes as a stray tear fell from my eye. I pushed the covers off me and sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I refuse to cry over them. No way in hell. Not for a weak man like Theo who’s so easily seduced. Definitely not for a wh.ore like Sophie, who’s a grown woman with a childish mentality. Nope, not me. Not this girl. This girl has things to do, a life to put back together.
I got up and made the bed before going to the bathroom across the hall. I did my morning business, found an unopened toothbrush under the sink, and hopped in the shower. I might not live here anymore, but I still have some clothes here. I still like to have dinner with Deb most nights, and sometimes I end up sleeping here. Deb has actually asked me on several occasions why I even bothered to move out.
Honestly, I have no idea why either. I thought I was being independent at first, venturing out on my own. I didn’t need to prove anything to anyone though. I know I’m independent. The more I think about it, the more I realize it was Sophie whispering things in my ear about being on my own for once.
How did I possibly let that girl manipulate me for so long? Was I really just a push over all these years? I never thought the little things mattered. Sure, Sophie wasn’t the nicest or the best friend in the world, but she was there when I needed her. Through all my most embarrassing times. Through my parents’ deaths. Through two graduations, years of hard work, and even the grand opening of Garden Sip. As sh.itty as she could be, Sophie had her good qualities too. Or maybe she doesn’t.
I don’t know anymore, and I don’t care. I will never forgive her for this. Even if she changes her wedding venue, even if she cancels the wedding, hell, even if she dumps Theo. Nothing will ever make me forgive her. Never. I’d never be able to trust her again, no matter how sorry she is. How could I ever trust her around another boyfriend?
Fu.ck… I wasn’t even thinking about how I’d have to eventually date again. Or, well, how I’d have to start. Because, let’s face it, I never dated. Not really. Theo took me out in the beginning, but it was only him, so I don’t know if you’d consider that “dating”. I never used dating apps, never mingled at parties. Hell, I never even went to parties. It was a total fluke that Theo and I got together, and that was because he chased me relentlessly.
How can I throw myself out there ever again? I didn’t even want to before. I’m not sure that I really want to now. I thought what Theo and I had was genuine. I can see why Sophie said I never loved him. I think I loved Theo, but I don’t think I was ever in love with him. I think I just… wanted to be. I mean, I thought he liked me so much, I thought he loved me.
Of course, I started to suspect them, and kept ignoring my instincts, but still… I’d never have guessed that it went so deep between them. I would never have thought they were in love. Hell, I only thought that maybe they’d kissed or something behind my back. At worst, I thought they’d slept together. Maybe only once. Maybe it was a mistake. I never even knew that Theo no longer had feelings for me.
Am I that easy to fool? Was I just that hopeful? How could I be so damn blind?
Tears welled up again, but I forced them back. I focused on anger instead. And I had a lot of it.. Naturally, I was pi.ssed at my ex-fiance, and I was fu.cking enraged at just the thought of Sophie. But mostly, I’m angry with myself. For letting this happen. For not listening to my gut. For thinking that I could ever have a love like I saw between my parents. I should have known better. I might be their daughter, but I’m nothing like them.
Maybe I’m just not meant to be loved.
The first thing I did after my shower, was call the cabin rental place. Luckily, they had a last-minute cancellation and were able to move me to another cabin that I could rent for two weeks. The lady I spoke to said it was smaller, but I told her it was fine since it was just me now. God, did I sound pathetic. Going on vacation over Christmas and New Years alone… I probably sounded incredibly pitiful to that lady.
The rest of the day was spent putting my life back in order. Deb held things down at Garden Sip while I handled everything else. The first thing I did was go to my apartment and talk to the land.lord, Dave, about my lease. Thankfully, he was willing to let me out of it, but he was going to keep my security deposit. He told me that most people aren’t that lucky, and I should be thankful he owed my dad a favor.
A real Mr. Scrooge, that one.
After I squared everything away with my lovely land. lord, I cleared out my entire apartment on my own. Well, that’s a lie. I got everything that I could on my own. There are two huge black trash bags in the room; both full of anything that reminded me of either Theo or Sophie. I just have to take those to the dumpster on my way out. Now all that’s left are the big things; couch, chair, kitchen table, TV stand, bed… I wonder if Dave would let me leave it for the next tenant to use…
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